Today at lunch, I sat next to a group of men in their eighties. They were a fascinating bunch to behold; white hair (for those who still had it), hunched shoulders, loud voices, and a lot of repeating yourself to be heard. These men were not strangers. The relationships that I observed were 50-60 yrs in the making.
The make-up of their group looked not unlike the men I call my friends.
-The Quiet Man spent more time looking at his Hot-n-Sour soup than carrying on like some of the others.
-The Sporty Gentleman was fresh in from some sort of rigorous activity.
-The Comedian told story after story in pursuit of a laugh.
-The Spectator never said much but paid close attention to each member of the party.
-The Day Dreamer was moderately engaged but yet somewhere else in his thoughts.
-The Encourager took time to attempt to involve every man at the table in the more salient points of the conversation.
I saw what I hope will one day be.
It reminded me of a similar group in Woodward, Oklahoma that my grandfather was a part of. Each morning they would meet, 'come hell or high water', at the local McDonald's for coffee and a biscuit. I am privileged to say that I was able to attend one or two of those meetings with my grandfather and was struck by the cameraderie I encountered. While the men were certainly gracious to me, it was clear that I was an outsider. I hadn't paid my dues. These men had walked with each other through marriages and divorces, births and deaths, peacetime and war, victories and defeats. Theirs was a bond forged over time and rooted in a deep commitment to each other.
Looking at the men today and remembering my grandfather's group , it struck me that gatherings of men like that have existed since time began. Knights of the round table, hunters sitting around a fire after a hunt, disciples sharing a meal and listening to their master speak. We were created to live in community.
But like all relationships, communities gradually disappear without an intentional focus. For a senior, isolation can be a deadly thing. The moment when a senior begins to feel that they are alone and have nothing left to offer the world can be the beginning of the end. Doctors have even created a diagnosis for this condition: "Failure to Thrive." At Home Instead Senior Care, senior isolation is an enemy we fiercely battle. We encourage our clients to reengage with the communities they may have lost touch with over the years or perhaps to engage with an entirely new community. Unfortunately, groups like the one I saw today are dwindling. Our increasingly transient society no longer allows for bonds like theirs to develop. We move. We move to be closer to our kids, to our grandkids, to avoid harsh winters, to take advantage of a job opportunity.
And with each move we leave things behind.
I am supremely grateful for the community of men I am surrounded by. I pray that we will be together long enough to know the same level of friendship as the group at McDonald's in Woodward, OK or at The Red Lotus in Chapel Hill, NC.
For more information and resources about this and other senior issues visit:
http://www.homeinstead.com/106/resources/Pages/SeniorCareResources.aspx
