Easter Among Other Days

Parenting is hard.

As the father of six small children, I believe I can speak with confidence on behalf of my wife and myself in saying so. Our children are God's most precious blessings in our lives and a source of joy for us. They are also difficult at times. At times, they are obstinate. At times, they are rebellious. At times, they are disobedient. At times, they are just plain rotten. We call those times- weekdays.

During those tough moments, I confess that I sometimes fall into a pit of poor perspective. When one of my children rebels, I am offended. How could they act like this? Don't they realize how much money I've spent to allow them to play in this soccer league? Don't they realize that I would rather be sipping a frozen margarita at Chuy's with my lovely wife than sweating to death at this weekend tournament? I am offended because in some way I feel that I deserve their obedience and gratitude.

Just for any non-parents reading this, that isn't how it works. Ever.

Sadly, my tendency towards that logic also perverts my view of God. I am tempted to look at all of the nice things I have done and think that somehow earns my favor with God. Look at how nice I've been to my neighbors. Look at how kind I was to that lady at the grocery store who needed help to her car. Look at the way I held my tongue with my kids and chose affirming words when I had some other choice phrases that I really would've rather used to address the situation. Look at all these things I've done, God. Don't you love me now? Won't you accept me now?

This weekend we celebrate Easter. We celebrate the death, burial and resurrection of God himself- Jesus Christ. We celebrate the greatest tragedy in human history because it was also the greatest sacrifice in human history. It was a sacrifice that reversed the dynamic of our relationship to God forever.

On the cross, Jesus demonstrated his love for us. On the cross, he said to us once and for all, "Look at what I've done for you. Accept me. Love me."

A lot of people still try to reverse that relationship. A lot of people still start with the do's and don'ts of Christianity and try to abide by them like some checklist on an application. But in so doing, they miss the beauty of the cross. We are more loved and accepted than we could ever imagine by a God who sacrificed himself to make that relationship possible. Our response to that love should rightfully be obedience and gratitude. But regardless of how well we do in the latter category, God's love for us is not contingent upon a checklist. God loves us. On Easter, we celebrate his permanent declaration of that love.

I want my kids to be obedient. I want them to be respectful and polite. I want them to be a number of things. But just as God's love for me is not hanging in the balance of my own rebellious nature, my love for my own children is not conditional.

One of the reasons God made me a parent was to teach me that lesson, to help me remember that his love for me is permanent. The tremendous love I have for my children and sacrifices I have made for them pale in comparison to the way God loves me and what he was willing to do on my behalf. Easter shows me the most beautiful picture of love between a father and his child.

On Easter, God the Father says to all of us," Look at what I've done for you. Accept me. Love me."

Happy Easter.

The Allergy Apocalypse- 4 Easy Ways to Fight and Win

If your house is anything like mine, the doors and windows have been wide open to greet these first few days of springtime. Sunshine and 70 degrees is a welcome change after the winter that never seemed to end. No sooner had the beautiful white blossoms of the Dogwood trees reached their apex than I felt a familiar tickle in the back of my throat that warned me of impending doom. Behold, the great green pollen cloud of death will soon be upon us!

Here are four easy steps you can take to survive the allergy apocalypse.

1. Wear Natural Fiber Clothing.
Synthetic fibers create electricity when they rub together. That charge acts like a magnet to every allergen east of the Mississippi. Not only will you have the pleasure of being up close and personal with every weapon in Mother Nature's springtime arsenal, you will also bring all of those insipid little molecules into your home. For the next several weeks, I invite you to enjoy the touch, the feel of cotton: the fabric of our lives.


2. Cut Down on Hair Products.
Think of that bright yellow bottle of LA Looks ultimate hold hair gel as nothing more than glue for pollen. The same can be said of every single product you use to get that 'just stepped out of a salon' look. Even the fancy all-natural hair products will make you more all-natural than you originally intended during the allergy apocolypse. For the next few weeks, just grab a hat. It's about survival, y'all!

3. Wear a Hat (and big sunglasses).
Don't you just love a good segue? Wearing a hat will keep the pollen out of your hair and out of your life. For all of the pale readers of this fine post, a wide-brimmed hat will do you the additional favor of shielding you from the first rays of sunlight you have likely been exposed to in about five months. Throwing on a pair of large sunglasses will keep the pollen off of your eyelashes and brows as well as giving you the pleasure of looking like Audrey Hepburn while you fiddle in your garden.

4. Take a Spring Shower.
Grabbing a quick shower at night is a must for anyone who wants to fight in the pollen resistance. Regardless of how much of my sage advice you decide to follow, you will have pollen on you by day's end. A hot shower before bed will have three distinct benefits. First, it will wash much of the pollen off of your body. Second, the steam will relieve inflamed sinuses and help clear any congestion before bedtime. Lastly, washing the pollen off of your body will keep you from bringing the enemy to bed with you. A good night of sleep isn't easy when breathing is difficult. Viva la resistance!

Bugs, Golf, WWI and Heart Attacks- A Brief History of Daylight Saving Time

Like so many things that are a part of the American routine, few people ever take the time to look at why we observe Daylight Saving Time. In the fall we celebrate an extra hour of sleep and every spring we complain about having to get up an hour earlier. Despite the massive inconvenience we experience, few can articulate the 'why' behind the concept of Daylight Saving Time.

Back in the good ol' days, time was regulated by the rising and setting of the sun. We were a largely agrarian society and when the sun went down we knew it was time to sleep. When the sun came up, rise and shine y'all. Beginning around the time of the industrial revolution, the sun no longer regulated the workforce and the need for government intervention presented itself. Or so we were told.

Originally, the concept of DST is attributed to a British born New Zealander named George Vernon Hudson. George had a shift work job in a post office which afforded him little time to do his bug collecting in the dusk hours of summer. Rather than ask to get off a little early, George decided that attempting to alter the way the entire planet recorded time would be a better idea. Talk about going postal! While many may argue with his method, the proof is in the pudding. His bug collection is the largest in New Zealand to this day and is still on display in the Museum of New Zealand.

Collecting bugs didn't prove as catchy a rationale as George was hoping and while he is credited with inventing the scheme, William Willett gets equal billing in most accounts. Willett had a far more palatable reason and approach to the concept of changing the clocks. He just wanted a few extra minutes to finish his evening round of golf. Willett's proposal, outlined in the famous pamphlet "The Waste of Daylight," only called for a 20 minute shift as opposed to Hudson's two hour change. It was taken up by Parliament in 1908 and summarily defeated.

It wasn't until WWI that a nation actually enacted DST. Austria and Germany put it into place to deal with the war-caused coal shortages. Not wanting to be left out of the Kaiser's fun, American president Woodrow Wilson (along with several European nations) followed Germany's lead and made DST the law of the land here at home. It was repealed shortly after the war until FDR re-enacted it as "war time" in 1942. That time it stuck.

The results of DST have been suspect at best. A 1975 study, published by the Department of Energy proved conclusively that DST saves energy and then was thoroughly debunked. Several studies regarding the affects of Daylight Saving Time may not have the authority of a debunked DOE study but still present some troubling questions to the casual observer.

- Clock shifts increase the risk of heart attacks by 10%.
- Disprutions of the circadian rhythms can be severe and last for weeks.
- Suicide rates rise dramatically in the weeks following the spring transition.

As you stumble around in the dark on Sunday morning, trying to figure out how to reset the clock on your microwave, take comfort in knowing that there was a Kiwi postman and a British golfer you can blame for the heart attack you are 10% more likely to have. Happy Friday.

The Lesson of Daffodils.

I stood in my living room this morning looking out at the world. Dead leaves. Dead grass. Mud colored snow that had yet to melt away. No matter which direction I looked, the evidence of life was hidden from me; slumbering under a blanket of somber beige. There was dreary everywhere, everywhere except for my neighbors mailbox. There, in the midst of all this drab, were bright green shoots of daffodils already beginning to make their ascent toward spring.

It is a lesson I learn every year. Every spring I promise myself that next year my yard, my garden, my mailbox will host these optimistic plants. I make resolutions that I will plan ahead and plant before the ground freezes so that the happy daffodils will be there to greet me long before the rest of the world has begun to thaw. But then...life happens.

Stuff gets in the way. Good stuff. Important stuff. Necessary stuff. Stuff distracts me from the relatively simple task of putting some bulbs in the ground. As a result, I stand in my living room after an endless week of snow and ice looking for daffodils which I have neglected to plant...again.

I recently visited with a couple who is doing their best to care for each other without the benefits of any family to assist. With both spouses approaching their 90's, the fact that they have been able to live independently for as long as they have is nothing short of amazing. Unfortunately, as in so many cases, an event took place a few weeks ago which has changed the trajectory of their journey. One spouse gave too much and ended up paying the price of her own health. Now they are separated from each other in every way. Questions abound. Who will care for him while she recovers? Who will manage finances while she is away? Who will manage the many prescriptions and dietary needs that need daily tending? So many questions that needed to have been answered long before are now left to be decided by friends and neighbors. However well intentioned, this remarkable couple is on the verge of losing the one thing they fought so long and hard to retain: control over their own lives.

The warnings were there year after year. Make a plan. Designate a POA. Establish advance directives. Write a will. But then...life happened. Stuff got in the way. Good stuff. Important stuff. Necessary stuff.

And the daffodils are their remind the rest of us every spring.

4 Easy Ways to Make Christmas Merry for Grandma

Christmas is a wonderful season; rich with experiences and opportunities. While there are many chances to delight your children with glitter and gold in December, Christmas also offers a fantastic opportunity to bring the older members of your family into the merriment.  Like anything else, a merry Christmas for all does require some planning. What follows is an easy list of ways to make Christmas merry for Grandma.

1. Christmas is a Season of Memories-

Even at my age, Christmas brings a flood of memories. I can vividly remember moments of unbridled joy when I received a basketball hoop. I can remember spending each holiday with my grandparents, helping serve meals to the less fortunate in Oklahoma. I can remember the smell of my grandmother's perfume when I would run up the front sidewalk to hug her upon pulling up to her house for the holiday. Even writing these lines, I start to drift away in a sea of happy thoughts of days gone by. For older adults, memories are a vital part of life. Especially for seniors who have begun to deal with short term memory loss, being able to recall and recount events from the past not only provides a sense of confidence and great pleasure. Reminiscing also provides what is known as "life review," an important part of the aging process. Plan to spend an evening in December with the older adult in your life looking through an old photo album or watching old home movies. Let them bring the ghost of Christmas past back to life.

2. Quality not Quantity-

It is easy to create Christmas overload with the best intentions. It is only December 3rd and my personal holiday docket is already jam packed with parties, gatherings and events. For seniors, it is particularly important to consider the dangers of doing too much. For many older adults, having an established routine is crucial. Throwing a couple extra things on the calendar is fine but don't attempt to drag your aging parent to every shindig and ugly sweater party available. Less is more. Plan on having them accompany you to no more than a few events and have an early exit strategy. People who struggle with hearing loss can become very agitated among big crowds and in noisy environments. Take this into consideration as you do your planning.

3. Connect

Isolation is a danger for seniors throughout the year but is especially painful at Christmas. If possible, try to connect your aging parent with peers or relatives that they might not get to visit often. For instance, plan to take your mother on a trip to Aunt Thelma's house to deliver one of your mom's world famous lemon pound cakes. It will be a great opportunity to share the Christmas spirit with both your mom and your Aunt. Who do you know who will be alone this Christmas and might appreciate a visit?

4. Watch the Booze-

Everyone has heard the cautionary tales of a coworker who had one too many glasses of eggnog at the holiday party and ended up xeroxing her own derriere by the night's end. Many of the medications that seniors take may make them especially susceptible to alcohol. No one likes to be babysat and that is certainly not what I am suggesting. However, knowing the effects that too much alcohol might have and planning (there's that word again) an early exit strategy might not be the worst idea ever.

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. Make a plan to enjoy it.

And to all ages a good night!

The Importance of Mother's Health

For the record, I am not a woman.

I have never been a woman.

To my credit, I have been involved in an extremely in-depth case study of a woman for the last 13 years known as marriage.

One of the things that I have noticed over the last decade is that my wife is consistently placing her own health on the back burner. If one of my children has a fever, she coordinates a trip to the pediatrician. Her calendar is the one which tracks the annual physicals and immunizations for everyone in the home under the age of 18. She arranges dental cleanings each year.

But if you were to ask her about her own health, you would hear a quick laugh followed by the popular internet refrain: "Ain't nobody got time for that."

Many women fall into the same pit, particularly during childbearing years when pregnancy necessitates frequent visits to the OBG. Unfortunately, proper health practices are habits which are formed and followed over years and have ramifications which unquestionably affect women as they age.

The Easy Mistake-
It is easy to think about OBG's as doctors. They are. But it is more accurate to think about them as surgeons. That is what they are.

An Obstetrician-gynecologist is a surgeon in the truest sense of the word. They are required to go through a four year surgical residency which contains curriculum entirely surgical in nature. It is natural to assume that, over time, OBG's will become competent in areas of outpatient medicine. However, it is important to remember that their knowledge base, skill set and entire training is limited to the female reproductive system.

There is more to women than just lady parts.

The mistake many women make is feeling that an examination as invasive as the one they receive at their OBG visit would surely catch anything major going on. That simply isn't the case.

Why It Matters-
For all of the reasons that men go to the doctor, women should go to the doctor. Things like hypertension, osteoporosis, thyroid disease, and diabetes are just a few of the first things that come to mind that OBG's do not (and aren't trained to) diagnose and treat. Additionally, screenings to detect things such as cervical and breast cancer are female specific health concerns which must be monitored on a regular basis. They are not concerns which are typically addressed during routine pregnancy visits.

Making It A Priority-
The reality is that no mother has time to attend to their own health. In no world does a mother wake up to birds chirping outside their window, the beginning of Rossini's "The William Tell Overture" playing in the background, and wistfully wonder what she will do with all of the extra time she has that day. The reality of a mother's day is far more chaotic and is unimaginable to anyone who hasn't walked a mile in those shoes. The finale of "The William Tell Overture," known by most as the theme song to the Lone Ranger, is a far more appropriate soundtrack for most. How would one find the time to tend to their own needs in the midst of the daily onslaught known as motherhood? Perhaps a good place to start would be to replace a word in the previous sentence. No one will ever "find" the time. One must "make" the time. Like Nike used to say- Just Do It!


Many of the seniors we serve are currently dealing with the reality of having ignored their own health needs earlier in life. Whether it is borderline hypertension eventually leading to a stroke, poor diet eventually leading to diabetes, high cholesterol eventually leading to a heart attack, or lack of sleep eventually leading to dementia; daily we are confronted with the repercussions of decisions made and habits formed much earlier in life. It is easy to ignore the piper when you won't likely have to pay him for another 40 years. The seniors who are enjoying long life and greater independence than their peers are not doing so by accident. Their success is a byproduct of careful planning and persistent attention to the little foxes which can so often spell disaster down the line.

Mothers, make time to take care of yourself; not just for yourself but for all the people who rely on you and care about you.

Fathers, make your wife's health your priority. The Bible tells us to love our wives as we love ourselves. If that means that once a year you need to take a day off of work so that she can go to the doctor then make it happen.

4 Easy Ways to Live Longer

Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to go today. Here are four easy ways to increase your longevity by almost 20 years.

1. A Salad a Day
 Italian researchers have pinpointed an easy habit you can adopt which will yield two additional years to your life span. A new study suggests that the simple practice of eating a salad a day is enough to make your life longer. The antioxidants found in vegetables such as broccoli, dark leafy greens, bell peppers and tomatoes have been shown in studies to ward off everything from major diseases to the common cold.

+2 years

2. Oh Nuts!
The crack team at Loma Linda University noticed something funny about Seventh Day Adventists in California; they were living longer than everyone else. Seventh Day Adventists are known for their healthy lifestyles and the avoidance of things such as caffeine, alcohol and pork. Scientists were able to pinpoint their practice of eating nuts as being particularly beneficial. After compiling all of the data, the research team asserted that snacking on nuts at least five times a week can add almost three extra years to your life.

+3 years

3. You Get By With a Little Help From Your Friends
In Australia, researchers found that the individuals with the largest networks of friends lived the longest. Whether just having someone to check in on you from time to time does the trick or perhaps it is the physiological benefits of companionship, having a good solid gang of buddies tacks on an additional seven years.

+7 years

4. You Gotta Ac-cen-tuate The Positive
Yale University researchers help us understand that not everything regarding longevity can be quantified as easily as a bowl of leafy greens. Older adults who enter the golden years of retirement with a general sense of doom and gloom are not likely to last very long. The mind is a powerful thing and can create health realities either positively or negatively. Individuals who approach the next chapter of their lives with a sense of optimism and purpose have been shown to live more than seven years longer. Programs like our Salute to Senior Service promote and recognize the contributions that older adults make for just that reason.

+7 years

Three Simple Steps to Beat the Winter Blues

My wife and I were lying in bed this morning wondering why on earth our children were running all over the house at such an early hour. After shouting various things in an attempt to curtail the Crack-o-dawn shenanigans, I angrily tossed back the covers and began the heavy footed march of doom with the intent of politely informing them in a loving fashion that if they ever woke me up at an ungodly hour such as this again I would be forced to search for new homes for at least three of them. To make sure I had the facts to illustrate my point, I glanced at the clock on my way across the room to find two things. First, my still-too-noisy-for-this-time-of-the-morning children were not as guilty as I had thought them to be. Second, it was already 7:00am and I was going to be late to work.

The change of seasons is hard to deal with for many reasons. The shorter days, the chilly weather, the dark mornings all combine to wreak havoc on the schedules our bodies have grown accustomed to during the long, hot summers. Aptly acronymed Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), affects some of us more prominently than others. "People affected by seasonal affective disorder, also called SAD, may feel overly tired, lack motivation and even have trouble getting out of bed," says Dr. Angelos Halaris, a professor in the department of psychiatry and behavioral neurosciences at Loyola University Chicago Stitch School of Medicine.

For seniors struggling with dementia and Alzheimer's, the affects of SAD compound what are already a challenging collection of symptoms.

Here some simple steps you can take to battle the SAD-ness:

1. Get Outside- 
Despite the shorter days, we are still blessed to have relatively warm weather and beautiful fall foliage in North Carolina. Getting outside to enjoy the sunlight is one of the best things you can do to avoid SAD. Exposing your skin to sunshine is helpful as well. If weather permits, expose your arms to the sunlight and avoid wearing sunglasses if possible.
2. Let the Sunshine In-
Open the curtains and drapes to let in as much of the outside light as possible. Consider leaving the blinds in your bedroom open when you go to sleep in order to allow the sunlight to stream in as soon as it comes up in the morning. For homes with poor lighting, light therapy boxes are available that are designed to mimic the effects of sun exposure. Always consult your physician before engaging in light therapy.
3. Exercise-
There is nothing that sabotages my exercise regiment more than the foods of fall. Squash, root vegetables, pot roast, and all of their fatty friends make me want to lie on the couch catch up on past episodes of Downton Abbey. Make yourself exercise. The endorphins released by even 30 minutes of daily activity can have a profound affect on your energy levels.


None of these are revolutionary concepts. None of these things are hard to do. These are all of the things that your great grandmother would have encouraged you to do long before we made up a fancy name for how we feel starting in October. Unfortunately, what is easy to do is also easy not to do.

For more information on Seasonal Affective Disorder click here

The Meaning of Life

As I sit down to write this post, I am not really sure how to begin. I am not really sure what content will fill this space. I don't really know how I will bring it to a close.

I know that I want to say something that will affect people positively. I want to make a difference.

I suppose I could move on if things become difficult; if the words to fill the page elude me. But I feel that I have something to contribute and I don't think I can or should move on until I have finished the task at hand.

At Home Instead Senior Care, we believe in a culture of life. We believe in living life on your own terms and aging according to your wishes. We believe in making the most out of each and every day which has been given. That belief is what drives us to serve families the way we do. That belief brings patience and understanding to us in the midst of sometimes difficult circumstances and family dynamics. We want to make the world a better place. We believe that we have something to contribute.

Despite our commitment to life, we are never far removed from death. The conclusion of life is something we face often. In those moments, we take great comfort in the work that we did. We console each other in the knowledge that, for however brief a time we were a part of their story, we made that person's world a better place. Still, it isn't easy. Loss never is.

Throughout the many journeys we have been a part of, we have stood by as the people and families we cared for endured tragic things. We have watched people battle painful chronic conditions. We have seen people become prisoners in their own bodies due to ALS or Parkinson's. We have watched as a person stricken with Alzheimer's slowly fades until the moment they no longer recognize their own reflection in the mirror. Friends have been taken from us far too early and without any warning. In each case there is requisite separation. 'Just part of the business we're in,' we tell ourselves. But that truth is a lie. If it weren't, we wouldn't be any good at what we do.The reality is that losing people hurts. Watching people suffer hurts. Saying goodbye hurts. Death hurts.

Over the last several weeks, the media has been highlighting the story of woman in Oregon who has chosen to end her own life on November 1st rather than fight an aggressive type of brain cancer. Many have hailed her decision as brave. At first glance, I guess I can see that. After all, we believe in living life on your own terms. Shouldn't that include dictating the terms of its end?

But the more I reflect on her decision, the sadder I become. How sad that because of the suffering set before her, she believes that the best decision is to avoid the pain completely. That is and should be her right- both legally and ethically. Still I can't help but think about the innumerable ways in which my life has been blessed by those around me who have endured unimaginable difficulty. In moments of personal trial, I find myself bolstered by reflecting on their courage and bravery in facing those challenges. Those are my heroes.

There is a pervasive myth in our society that beating a disease is the same as winning. The reality is that some diseases, some conditions are still and perhaps always will be incurable. Life itself is the ultimate terminal condition. Facing death, despair is understandable. Choosing to avoid that struggle is pragmatic. Bravery, however, is rarely the reasonable choice.

Each day brings with it an opportunity to create, to share, to laugh, to love, to serve. While we may not know exactly which words will fill the page, we still choose to write because we believe that we have something to give. We are here for a reason. We have a purpose.

Sometimes we fight to win. Other times we win simply because we fight. In both instances, we affect the world around us. We make a difference.

I do not know how my individual story will end but I choose to put words on the page because I believe I have something to contribute. I am grateful for all those around me who have chosen to fight and in so doing made the world a better place.

"This is my quest, to follow that star.

No matter how hopeless, no matter how far.

To fight for the right, without question or pause

To be willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause.

And the world will be better for this, that one man scorned and covered with scars

Still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable star."

The Impossible Dream- Man of La Mancha

"I Bake Bread" - Minnesota 114yr old Shares the Secret to Longevity

Anna Stroehr has seen a lot of changes in her life. Born in 1900, today marks her 114th birthday. An infant when President McKinley was assassinated, she cites the addition of electricity as the most significant change she has seen take place during more than a century of years on this planet. But don't let that rather predictable observation fool you into thinking that Anna isn't a modern lady.

Anna was trending at number one this morning on Twitter once news of her birthday and her fondness for social media began to hit the news outlets. Like so many teenagers one hundred years her younger, Anna had to lie in order to set up her Facebook account. Apparently, Mr.Zuckerberg didn't account for Supercentenarians wanting to participate. His setup protocol only allows you to go as far back as 100 yrs., a fact which forced Anna to lie about her age when she set her account up several years ago with the help of her 85 yr old son.

A few years back, Anna did an interview and was asked the typical range of obligatory questions. She described the secret to her long life in a two fold manner. "I bake bread," was her first explanation. Second she says "I know it was the good Lord's doing. I sure didn't do anything to deserve it."

My favorite part of the interview was when she was asked about exercise. "I never understood people walking for exercise," she said. "If a person does what they're supposed to be doing, there doesn't seem to be any need for that." Geriatric specialists at the Mayo Clinic attached big, fancy words to her recipe for long life. They say that strength training, cardio activity and being part of an active social community are the things that have helped Anna become the seventh oldest living American. Those words are as foreign to Anna as the concept of Facebook undoubtedly is to many of her 100 year old peers.

Long before the sedentary, screen-engrossed, overweight, disconnected-yet-always-connected plague swept through this nation Anna held the secret to a long and happy life. Her recipe didn't call for fancy words or expensive studies. Her holistic approach didn't even require the aid of modern medicine. Anna's secret in those days was just called "living."

After having to fake her age to get on Facebook, Anna sent a one sentence message composed on a typewriter to Mark Zuckerberg. It read simply: "I'm still here."

Happy Birthday Anna.

Overcoming The Parent/Child Dynamic

I can remember a Sunday School teacher once chiding me for being disruptive. "Stephen, God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a reason. He wanted you to listen twice as much as you speak." At the time, those words fell on deaf ears, both of 'em. However, I have found myself returning to those pearls of wisdom on many occasions throughout my life.

Many adult children approach their parents as a collection of problems to be solved. Mom needs help at home. Dad is not safe behind the wheel. Mom and Dad's finances need to be managed more carefully. The real problem is that many times we attempt to solve problems we know nothing about.

Problem: Since Dad passed away Mom lives by herself.
Solution: Mom should move in with us and live in our spare bedroom. She could spend more time with her grandkids and save some extra money.

New Problem: Mom doesn't want to move in with you. She is afraid that she will be viewed as a permanent on-site babysitter. She already raised her kids and, as much as she loves yours, doesn't want to be a mom again. She is 75 and saving money is not on the top of her list. Your dad did a great job of making sure that she would be well provided for. What would she be saving money for other than your inheritance?

Problem: Dad's eyesight isn't what it used to be and I don't feel he is safe behind the wheel.
Solution: We should take away his car keys.

New Problem: Dad's vision is fine except that he doesn't see well at night. He is terrified every time he drives but even more terrified that if he tells you then you will want to take his keys away. Rather than risk admitting his weaknesses and fears, he refuses to address what he knows is going on and becomes increasingly defensive.

Home Instead's own Mary Maxwell once quipped: "Be patient with me as I age. This is the first time I have ever been old." Aging is a new experience for everyone. There are no practice rounds. There are no take backs. The only person who knows less about aging than the person enduring it is the aging child watching it take place in the life of their loved one. Yet it is not uncommon for an adult child to jump into solving a collection of issues they know nothing about.

The 40-70 Rule is a program put together by Home Instead Senior Care to help families navigate some of these tricky conversations. The program includes a downloadable "Action Plan For Successful Aging" which covers a variety of topics important to discuss with an aging parent. Each topic is broken down using an 'Assess, Consider, Talk (ACT)' model which encourages every member of the situation to consider the aging process from a variety of different angles BEFORE talking about potential solutions.

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."   Mark Twain

For more information about the 40-70 Rule Program and to obtain your free Action Plan For Successful Aging visit www.4070talk.com

It's a Process Not An Event

Many families are willing to admit that they haven't had "the talk." Statistically, most families won't.
According to senior care professionals, 70% of family conversations about aging are prompted by an event such as a health crisis or other emergency.

I think the idea of "the talk" might be some of what keeps many families from engaging in critically important dialogue with their aging parents. "The talk" is not a single event as the term suggests but rather a series of conversations which bridge the gap between adult children and their aging parents. My parents and I have had "the talk" on a number of different occasions; each time we gain a greater understanding of each other as well as greater confidence moving forward into increasingly sensitive topics.

Home Instead Senior Care's 40-70 Rule Program is a great resource for structuring those conversations. We have suggested that when an adult child is 40 and their aging parent is 70, it is great time to begin a simple dialogue about a number of different issues. The idea of having "the talk" insinuates some sort of huge moment of discourse which can understandably be intimidating for some. What if I do it wrong? What if I mess up "the talk?"

Like so many conversations between children and their parents, the notion that we can simply breeze into each other's lives and suddenly have extremely meaningful talks about sensitive topics that we have never addressed before and then breeze back out just as quickly is asinine.

Many people ask us how to go about addressing these issues if they don't currently have a relationship with their parents. I would suggest that the resources Home Instead has made available can be a useful road map towards not only answering some important questions as your parents age but also towards naturally cultivating a meaningful relationship where one previously did not exist.

Have "the talk."

Then have it again.

For more information about Home Instead Senior Care and some of the ways we are serving families CLICK HERE.

Build Trust, Take The Lead, Share Your Heart

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend about Home Instead Senior Care. In retrospect, I realize that he was probably just making small talk. However, I found myself holding court for almost twenty minutes about exactly what I was looking for in a caregiver.

Truly great caregivers are diamonds in the rough. They are rare, precious gems which must be mined and polished to shine at their fullest potential. Finding those beautiful people is the single most challenging aspect of what we do at Home Instead Senior Care.

Generally, I find that caregivers fall into two categories. There are those who have figured out how to make what they consider an easy buck by babysitting an old person. They will show up. They will do what is absolutely insisted upon and nothing more. They will move on whenever a situation displeases them or they get a more lucrative offer. Caregivers in this category are a dime a dozen.

And then there are the people who view the work of caregiving as a ministry. These are people who intrinsically understand the tremendous opportunity that we have at Home Instead Senior Care to touch people's lives. Perhaps because they were caregivers for a family member or maybe even needed a caregiver at one point themselves, these servant-hearted angels look at each day as an chance to make a difference.

The unfortunate reality is that there are far too many of the first group and far too few of the latter. The age wave has brought about unprecedented need for services like ours and encouraged many organizations to lower their standards in order to keep up with the increasing demand. While I am proud to say that Home Instead has in no way compromised the qualities we insist upon in our caregivers, we have had to change our strategy somewhat. The task must no longer be to find the best and disregard the rest. Our new challenge is not simply finding the best caregiver but in some instances figuring out how to create the best caregiver.

Many of the applicants who walk through our doors have great hearts and noble intentions. Yet many of them have never had the benefit of a employer who is willing to teach them the requisite skills. As the costs of employing people continue to skyrocket, many businesses expect new associates to arrive ready to work on day one. Hiring someone who must be cultivated and taught is an expense that fewer and fewer enterprises are willing to undertake.

My Home Instead Senior Care franchise works tirelessly to live out our mission of "making Home Instead a great place to be." I believe this is a goal which applies to both client and caregiver. The culture I have worked to create is one which values each individual and is willing to invest in each caregiver with whom we are blessed. It is my heartfelt desire that each of them will look back on their time as a part of our family as one of the more significant experiences of their lives; an experience which afforded them the opportunity to build trust, take the lead and share their heart.

For more information about becoming a Home Instead Senior Care caregiver CLICK HERE.

We Are Family

As the father of a pre-teen son, I am growing accustomed to the almost daily hormone-fueled rants that accompany life at his age. I remember rants of my own during those years. I remember trying to articulate my jumbled emotions to my bewildered parents. During the tougher seasons, I can recall the seductive thought of leaving for college. On that day, I thought, I will finally be free of these fools and can live life on my own terms. But two truths became quickly evident after I moved out of my childhood home. First, I realized that my parents weren't the fools I may have thought them to be. Second, I realized didn't want to be free of them after all.

The desire for rebellion and independence is not singular to teenage sons. It is a common theme which has driven people of all ages and genders throughout recorded history. From Adam and Eve to Lewis and Clark, we don't want someone else calling the shots. However, despite our best effort to loose the shackles of dependence and forge a path of our own we are a people designed to live in community. There is a deeper drive within us to exist in relationship to others. Nowhere is this more evident than in the bond between parent and child.

As foolish as the child seeking total separation from his parents is the notion that an aging parent and the challenges they face are insulated from affecting their adult children. While a parent and child may enjoy different stages of a relationship throughout their lives, the reality that a relationship continually exists should not be lost on either party. The issues that either go through touch the lives of the other.

As a service to the community, Home Instead Senior Care is presenting a public education campaign called "The 40-70 Rule" over the next several months. This program pinpoints the ages of 40 and 70 as being the perfect starting point for an adult child and their aging parent to begin having important discussions regarding their desires for the years to come. After having reviewed the program materials and having seen the devastation which is wrought by avoiding these sometimes difficult topics, I am excited to share these resources free of charge.

But before we get to the 'How-to's" of having tackling these issues, I think it is important to remember that none of us exist in a vacuum. There is a natural tendency for both parties to recoil from probing questions about our desires. "That's none of your business," we may be tempted to say.
Yet nothing could be further from the truth.

If my parents wish to live out their lives in the comfort of their home, that is very much my business as I will be the one ultimately coordinating the resources and assistance to make that dream a reality. As they prepare to set sail into the sunset of their lives, I must prepare to fulfill my eventual responsibilities as captain of that ship. It is therefore not only reasonable but critical that we have these conversations before the ship leaves its proverbial port.

So let us begin this journey with that one clarification.

We are in this together.

If we work together we can make both of our dreams a reality.

For more information on "The 40-70 Rule" visit www.4070talk.com

Warning: Dangerous Children

As a parent of many sons (6 as of the writing of this blog), my life is wild adventureland of dirt and noise. The idea of a quiet home is a fantasy construct that my wife and I harbor no hope of ever enjoying. And we love it.

Having once been a rambunctious boy, I am amazed to have survived my own childhood. The very act of being a child: to challenge, to push to the limits, to see how far you can go until something (or someone) pushes back seems to bring with it the threat of almost certain death. My summer days were spent racing a red metal wagon with a box duck-taped to the top down the steepest street in the neighborhood. Eventually, a car, a speedbump, or a pothole would cause the wagon to swerve, tip over, and disintegrate on impact. The rider would then extricate himself from the wreckage, wipe the blood off of his appendages and along with his posse begin the process of looking for a new box to strap to the top of his wagon of doom in preparation of making another run. If no further boxes could be found, we would head off into the woods on our bikes in search of snakes and drainage creeks with enough water in them for a swim. It is amazing that any of us survived.

To parents of this age, the situation I just described is a nightmare of biblical proportions; children, unsupervised, careening down streets, below the eye level of any car, on wagons not constructed out of high impact-resistant plastic resin, with no visibility, risking the almost certain loss of at least a finger with every crash in what is essentially a coffin of recyclables and duck tape. Oh the humanity. Oh the sweet sweet humanity. When your pulse returns to normal and you are no longer at risk of having a stroke, I will tell you what we did during Texas Hill Country thunderstorms. Awesomeness.

We are children of a bygone era; relics of a better time.

Today's children would never be permitted to flirt with the type of disaster we courted on a daily basis. Today's child is well supervised and kept at a distance from anything that could potentially harm it. As for endangered species, we have created faux worlds in which our children may exist. These environments and play areas perfectly mirror the real things only without any of the dangerous aspects. Predictably, when an endangered species is released into the wild after being raised in captivity it is savagely devoured by the animals who have grown up in the actual jungle. Increasingly, our society is finding itself facing similar challenges. Our perfectly sheltered and safe children are released into the wilderness of the real world neutered of every instinct and ability which would have helped them survive.

In her upcoming film "The Land," director Erin Davis documents a Welsh play space which challenges the traditional American instinct to shelter and protect our young. "The Land" offers children a chance to experience the world around them; a world filled with wonderfully dangerous opportunities. Open fires, hammers, saws, old tires, mud, ropes, rusty metal shipping containers, and trees which beg for a climber all populate the space aptly described as an adventure playground. Missing from the canvas are instructions and rules, protective rubber playmatting, overzealous nannies and anything else which would prevent young humans from creating, appreciating, and learning about the themselves and the world by which they are surrounded.

Even as I type these words, there wells up within me an instinct to reject notions like this. As a parent, I must protect my sons from dangers like these. The poisonous culture shift has infected even a staunch independent like myself. What if they are hurt? What if they cut off a finger? What if they slip and fall and experience pain? As of these fears are legitimate possibilities. These things might actually happen. They are worthy of consideration.

But consider also those things which are not mere possibilities but rather the probable outcome of raising a child in the manner our society has now deemed most advisable. What happens to them when they grow up unable to contend with the challenges the real world throws at them? What happens when noone is around to hand them a participation trophy for the job they didn't get? How will their fragile egos cope? What happens when they confront actual violence which threatens more than just their avatar on some video game? Who will the men of the next generation turn to to protect their families? What happens when they graduate with their advanced degrees and certifications, perfectly programmed to obediently follow the rules yet completely unable to compose an original and creative thought? Who will find a cure for Cancer? Alzheimer's? Write the next great symphony?

What will the world look like if we continue to keep our children from becoming the wonderfully dangerous individuals they are hardwired to be?

Watch the trailer for the upcoming film "The Land" below.

Helpful or Intrusive? Keeping An Eye On Your Aging Parent

Over the last several years, the increase in the aging population has brought about the invention of a slew of gadgets and gizmos which purportedly help seniors live independently. While many of these devices have great intentions, they walk a fine line between 'my daughter likes to keep in touch' and 'my daughter is trying to run my life.'

One of the more recent innovations to surface is something called "Lively." In short, Lively is a series of sensors placed discreetly around an aging parent's home to accumulate data. The sensors then use that data to establish patterns of behavior and alert authorized family members whenever a significant deviation from the norm takes place. In their online video, the makers of Lively are very quick to point out that this is "not like big brother monitoring with anything like video cameras pointed at you." In actuality, that is exactly what it is like- minus the video cameras.

So where should the line be drawn?

Most of the independent seniors that we work would emphatically reject having sensors placed throughout their lives so that an adult child could monitor them. Still others may be more amenable to the idea if for no other reason than to pacify a daughter who is prone to worry.

Whether a family places a low-tech nanny cam or a state-of-the-art sensor network in their aging parent's home, they are subtly inserting themselves into a senior's life. Seems like a I remember hearing a phrase about putting lipstick on a pig.

While most seniors fiercely reject the notion of needing any help even up to the point when the need for help is undeniable, aging in place is not something that can be done alone. In my experience through Home Instead Senior Care, living independently is not as much a matter of allowing other people access to your habits and routines as it is deciding for yourself what those habits and routines will be.

Have a conversation with the aging parent in your life. Allow them the opportunity to tell you what they want the next 10-15-20-25 years to look like and then work together to create that reality. Lively provides a fun new tool to help families to that end. But without an open dialogue, it will be received as just another example of you meddling in your dad's affairs.

For great information about how to have these initial conversations visit www.4070talk.com.


Watch the promo video below for more information about Lively.

The Things That Are Easy

 

This morning I was speaking with one of my neighbors. She assists an elderly man once a week through a ministry at her church and is having a difficult time getting him to engage in activities of any kind. She has tried to get him to participate in various groups and activities but to no avail. He lives a solitary life with little to no interaction with anyone save the once a week visits from the nice church lady. That is who he is and that is likely who he will remain.

My neighbor remarked how grateful she was to know him on several levels. She is obviously grateful for his friendship but she is additionally grateful for the lesson that his isolation has taught her. Perspective is a powerful thing and seeing the manifestation of his choices has helped inform hers.

Getting involved in the world around you is not a difficult task. There are a thousand things from small to huge which beg for each of us to play a part. At this neighbor's church, a group of seniors gets together every Saturday afternoon to put together the bulletins for Sunday; not an incredibly difficult task but one which provides both purpose and community.

Jim Rohn, one of the world's most reknowned personal development coaches, famously quipped: "The things that are easy to do are also easy not to do."

Stuffing church bulletins is easy. Answering phones twice a week for a few hours at the local senior center is easy. Helping to keep a local food bank organized is easy. Visiting church shut-ins is easy. All of these things are easy. Unfortunately, all of these things are also easy NOT to do.

This elderly gentleman is reaping the harvest that he has sown by his own inaction. It would have been easy to stuff bulletins with the group from church. It would have created community and purpose for him in his later years. But it was also easy NOT to stuff bulletins with the group from church. Now, he faces solitary days. The ordeal of trying to join a new group or begin to participate in a new activity is far more daunting now than it had previously been.

I am grateful for the good examples in my life. My grandfather did not neglect to do what was easy. He visited seniors in the hospital, was active in his church community, and delivered meals to shut-ins. None of these things were inherently difficult. They were easy things to do and he did not neglect to do them. I am equally grateful for the seniors I encounter who have neglected to do the easy things. While sometimes sad to observe, their lives offer a cautionary glimpse at the repercussions of inaction.

Wisdom of the day:

Do not neglect to do what is easy.

Click here for more information about how Home Instead Senior Care can assist the senior in your life.

Brick House

Late last night I was roused from my slumber by the prod of my wife's elbow in the small of my back. Convinced that there was an intruder downstairs, she insisted that I investigate. With the appropriate home protection device in hand, I ambled through my bedroom door and made my way down the dimly lit hallway to rescue my family from the villainous ice-maker which I was convinced had made all of the ruckus to start with. Just a few feet from the top of the stairs, I had not yet found any signs of an intrusion. Cautiously, I took one final step to the look down from the top of the stairway and immediately doubled over on the floor, writhing in agony. Having awakened everyone in my home and neighborhood with what was undoubtedly not my finest verbal exposition on the subject of human suffering, I turned on the light in the hallway and began the process of removing the small red Lego brick from my right forefoot.

Every parent of small children has shared the wondrous joy of the Lego-foot. It is an expected pain which always happens unexpectedly. From the moment my children open up their overpriced plastic bricks on Christmas morning, I know that at least one of the 4,337 pieces will take me down.

In each home there are similar dangers lurking in dark corners. For some of us, the evil Dutch blocks are the antagonists. For others, household dangers could take the shape of throw rugs or extension cords. Regardless of the shape the cause may take, the risks associated with taking an unexpected tumble grow larger the older we become.

To help make home a safer place to be, Home Instead Senior Care has recently launched a fantastic collection of free resources aimed at reducing some of the dangerous pitfalls which plague seniors who have chosen to age in their own homes. In our experience, the vast majority of seniors would prefer to age in place but many of them are denied that opportunity due to an accident of some type.  Most of what we see as potential dangers are simple matters of organization and order; the frayed edge of a throw rug, a stack of old newspapers or magazines next to a favorite chair, the cord to a lamp which sticks out from behind an end table just enough to catch a passing foot. Thanks to the increasing number of American seniors making the choice to age in place, the cost and trouble of making other minor safety modifications to a home has dropped dramatically in recent years. Once something left in the hands of licensed contractors, things like grab bars around the tub are now available at every home improvement store across the fruited plain and easy enough for anyone to safely install.

Household dangers are real and completely avoidable. Whether you choose to download the safety assessment and check out your aging parent's home yourself or would rather have a member of our staff walk through their home with you and point out some of what we have seen as potential problem areas, there are great resources available at your fingertips. The stakes are too high to do nothing.

Click here to find out more about our Making Home Safe For Seniors Program.

Grandpa's Poppin' Pills

While watching TV with my wife the other night, a commercial came on for a new drug that promised to relieve the suffering associated with RLS.

RLS?

What on earth is RLS?

The commercial explained the symptoms of RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) in great detail and told 60 seconds worth of heartbreaking stories; individuals who's lives had been reborn thanks to this new drug. As I sat there, I couldn't help but notice a slight twinge in my right leg. Could I be suffering from RLS? All these years, living with the agony of condition I never knew or noticed? As suggested, I made a mental note to ask my doctor if this new treatment could be right for me. I would additionally be calling my pediatrician, as I am sure that at least four of my children have an extreme case of RLS as well.

In all seriousness, the growth of conditions and drugs to treat them in this country over the last generation has been spectacular. Sending my oldest child off to Boy Scout camp this week took the coordination of nurses, doctors, camp medical staff, and a troop appointed medication supervisor. All for an allergy pill and his inhaler. #overkill

Even anecdotal evidence suggests that we are doping up our children at an historic rate. However, the number of seniors who find themselves dependent on an endless barrage of drugs is equally alarming.

As a result of their advancing age, no other group uses more drugs than seniors. The aches, pains and maladies of getting older are nothing to be scoffed at and do require serious medical attention. But the cure is sometimes worse than the disease as we are now beginning to see.

According to SAMHSA (The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration- I had to look it up too), one out of every four adults over the age of 50 is now using psychoactive medications- mostly opioid pain relievers and benzodiazepines such as Xanax and Valium. The only thing more staggering than that number is the rate at which that number has grown.  The number of prescriptions written for seniors to obtain drugs in those categories has grown by twenty percent over the last five years. That is nearly double the growth rate of the senior population. Double.

The obvious concern with narcotics is misuse. While there are staggering statistics regarding the number of seniors who are misusing or addicted to drugs, I suspect that many of the victims of this epidemic are never counted. They suffer in isolation; continuing to attempt to chase away pain and anxiety with the contents of  a little plastic bottle. They often meet their demise with little fanfare. Perhaps a heart attack or stroke which was brought about by the massive amount of narcotics that noone knew or will ever know they were ingesting.

But if you prefer a Dragnet approach, here are "just the facts."

-Annual emergency room visits by patients 65 and over for misuse of pharmaceuticals climbed by more than 50% between 2007-2011. That is a 50% increase in four years.

-The rate of overdose deaths among people 55 and older, regardless of drug type, nearly tripled from 1999-2010.

-The CDC states that of those deaths in 2010, 75% involved a senior using narcotic painkillers and a full third of those seniors were also on a benzodiazepine.

In any other segment of the population, tripling the death rate would be cause for alarm. To truly appreciate the complete lack of any discernible outrage regarding this issue, perhaps it is best to look at the current event which elicits a passionate response from persons on both sides of the issue.

Prescription Drug Deaths vs School Shooting Deaths

In 2008, there were 20,044 deaths officially recorded by the CDC as a result of the misuse of prescription drugs.

In 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, and 2014 so far there have been 122 fatalities as a result of school shootings.

That is roughly a 164:1 ratio of deaths by prescription drugs in a single year to school shootings over a 6 and a half year period.

Are we sending postcards to physicians who have become known as "pill-mills" saying 'Not One More?'

Are we demanding that dangerous drugs be outlawed?

Are we insisting that more extensive background checks into a person's medical record be made before allowing them to take home lethal narcotics?

Not even close.

Rather, we sit back and watch television at night, instructed by another commercial to ask our doctor whether some new wonder-drug could be the pill-shaped solution to the problem we didn't even know we had.



For more information on what Home Instead Senior Care can do to help the senior in your life click here.

'Smart-Spoon' Makes Miracles Happen For Parkinson's Sufferers

Perhaps the most commonly recognizable symptoms for people with Parkinson's disease are tremors. These frustratingly sporadic movements make life's most simple tasks difficult. I have memories of the way my grandmother's hand used to shake when she attempted to lift a coffee cup to her mouth during breakfast.

For many, these tremors are more than just embarrassing. The tasks of personal grooming and feeding oneself can become virtually impossible in some of the more severe cases.

Enter Liftlabs.

Liftlabs is a San Fransisco based company which has developed a remarkable new device to assist people with Parkinson's or any other tremor inducing conditions. While the concept may not be new, the application is revolutionary. Consider that most newer digital cameras are equipped with motion cancelling technology; microprocessors which detect and counter any movements by the picture taker in order to capture a clear image. Liftware is similar device which applies the same idea to a more commonly used daily apparatus- a spoon. When using a Liftware spoon, patients who would normally toss their food all over the plate and table are now able to bring the food successfully to their mouths.

To read the entire story click here.

To learn about how Home Instead Senior Care is able to assist the senior in your life click here.