Build Trust, Take The Lead, Share Your Heart

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend about Home Instead Senior Care. In retrospect, I realize that he was probably just making small talk. However, I found myself holding court for almost twenty minutes about exactly what I was looking for in a caregiver.

Truly great caregivers are diamonds in the rough. They are rare, precious gems which must be mined and polished to shine at their fullest potential. Finding those beautiful people is the single most challenging aspect of what we do at Home Instead Senior Care.

Generally, I find that caregivers fall into two categories. There are those who have figured out how to make what they consider an easy buck by babysitting an old person. They will show up. They will do what is absolutely insisted upon and nothing more. They will move on whenever a situation displeases them or they get a more lucrative offer. Caregivers in this category are a dime a dozen.

And then there are the people who view the work of caregiving as a ministry. These are people who intrinsically understand the tremendous opportunity that we have at Home Instead Senior Care to touch people's lives. Perhaps because they were caregivers for a family member or maybe even needed a caregiver at one point themselves, these servant-hearted angels look at each day as an chance to make a difference.

The unfortunate reality is that there are far too many of the first group and far too few of the latter. The age wave has brought about unprecedented need for services like ours and encouraged many organizations to lower their standards in order to keep up with the increasing demand. While I am proud to say that Home Instead has in no way compromised the qualities we insist upon in our caregivers, we have had to change our strategy somewhat. The task must no longer be to find the best and disregard the rest. Our new challenge is not simply finding the best caregiver but in some instances figuring out how to create the best caregiver.

Many of the applicants who walk through our doors have great hearts and noble intentions. Yet many of them have never had the benefit of a employer who is willing to teach them the requisite skills. As the costs of employing people continue to skyrocket, many businesses expect new associates to arrive ready to work on day one. Hiring someone who must be cultivated and taught is an expense that fewer and fewer enterprises are willing to undertake.

My Home Instead Senior Care franchise works tirelessly to live out our mission of "making Home Instead a great place to be." I believe this is a goal which applies to both client and caregiver. The culture I have worked to create is one which values each individual and is willing to invest in each caregiver with whom we are blessed. It is my heartfelt desire that each of them will look back on their time as a part of our family as one of the more significant experiences of their lives; an experience which afforded them the opportunity to build trust, take the lead and share their heart.

For more information about becoming a Home Instead Senior Care caregiver CLICK HERE.

Emotional Touch. There's Not Yet An App For That.

Gimme a hug. Give us a sqwunch. Get in here. Hug it out. Slap me five. Slip me some skin. Up high. Down low. Too slow.

Over the last several years, major technological advances have been made in the field of senior care. Families who are separated by thousands of miles are now able to monitor virtually all facets of their aging loved one's lives via the internet. Whether it is a daily medication reminder software or a computer enabled shoe to measure the stability of a senior's gait, sons and daughters rest more easily feeling that they know what is going on with mom and dad.

Many in the senior industry feel that the combination of innovative tools now available and the general reticence of seniors to transition into a facility environment is causing a paradigm shift in the way America approaches aging. It would seem that the justification for living out one's golden years in a nursing home has been rescinded; an intended casualty of the ability to address the physical needs and safety concerns of an aging parent from a distance with minimal cost.

But there exists within the physical world gaps which cannot be filled by the miracle of modern science.

In the 1940's, a Hungarian psychiatrist named Rene Spitz conducted research on the effects of emotional deprivation in infants. Spitz observed children who, for various reasons, had been separated from or denied a loving family and raised instead in an institutional environment. His research noted that while the observed babies' physical needs were being met, the emotional toll of not having any sort of familial affection or compassionate physical touch were catastrophic. By the conclusion of the study, more than one third of the babies had died. After 40 years, 21 of the emotionally neglected children were still living in institutions and most were physically, mentally and socially retarded.

The affect of this sort of cruel deprivation during formulative years is unquestionably debilitating. However, I would suggest that the isolation many seniors face on a daily basis is equally tragic.


Imagine that you are a senior. No longer able to drive, you are fully reliant on paid caregivers for your only live human contact each week. A caregiver comes in on Tuesdays and Fridays with a laundry list of things they have been told by your kids are top priorities; dishes, vacuum, groceries, trash, bathrooms, dusting, prepare a few meals to be easily reheated later and of course...laundry. With a friendly but quick greeting, the caregiver arrives and immediate begins to tackle the mission at hand. Rather than disturb her work, you retreat to your worn beige recliner where you doze off during "The Pioneer Woman," daydreaming about what life must be like on the ranch with Ree and the kids. She leaves as quickly as she arrived, having satisfactorily completed the requisite tasks and reported to your children that all was well with their parent today.

Now imagine an alternative scenario. Your caregiver arrives a couple minutes early with a decaf Chai latte, your favorite Starbucks treat, in hand. Before she even glances at the list of absolute musts, the two of you sit down in the sunroom and talk. You just talk. Maybe you talk about the crazy weather. Maybe you talk about nothing at all. Still, you talk and sip your latte. At one point, the caregiver puts down her cup, gently wraps her warm hands around one of yours and tells you how much she enjoys getting to spend time with you each week. The rest of your time together is a blur. You hate it when it's time for her to leave for the day. During every task she accomplished, you were by her side; helping, instructing, living. There is no need for her to report in to your adult children after today's shift. Instead, you pick up the phone. You can't wait to reach out to the people in your life and tell them all about the day you just enjoyed.

The ability to emotionally connect with people is a God-given gift. Without a certain amount of innate sensitivity, I do not believe it can be successfully taught. I am proud to say that many of the individuals who possess this remarkable gift are a part of our Home Instead family. Some work in nursing homes and facilities. Still others float in and out of our lives disguised as postal employees, baristas, pastors, tellers and grocery store clerks. Despite all of our modern advancements, there is not yet an app for that.

Unconditional

Take three minutes and twenty three seconds out of your day and be in awe of love. This video is a beautiful picture of how we are called to love each other not only as spouses but as friends, neighbors, coworkers, strangers, and even enemies. We love because he first loved us. "You see God has loved us so unconditionally and I understand that God has put his love in my heart. And because I realize how much God has loved me that's how I too can love my lovely wife."

AARP says that 1 out of 4 Retired Early to Care for a Spouse

One-in-5 employees age 45-74 say they expect to take time off of work to care for a spouse, a parent or relative in the next five years, AARP officials say.

An AARP report, "Keeping Up with the Times: Supporting Family Caregivers with Workplace Leave Policies," also said 1-in-4 retirees said they left the workforce earlier than planned to care for an ill spouse or other family member.

"The aging of the population, changing workforce demographics and increasing demands on family caregivers are colliding at the expense of working caregivers," Lynn Feinberg, senior strategic policy adviser with the AARP Public Policy Institute and author of the report, said in a statement.

Read more: http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2013/06/19/One-in-5-employees-age-45-74-must-quit-work-for-caregiving/UPI-41721371620805/#ixzz2Xzilse9x

Want to Improve Your Memory? Eating smart really can help you keep your brain sharp.

Antioxidants! Omega-3s! Anti-inflammatory diets! Can something you eat really help you remember — again — where you put your cellphone or reading glasses? If you add blueberries to your morning oatmeal or sip a glass of red wine at dinner, will your brain cells stay healthier longer?


http://www.aarp.org/health/brain-health/info-06-2013/worried-about-your-memory.html?intcmp=HPBB1J

Seventy-Seven Is Not Really That Old

When John Glenn was rocketed back into orbit at the sprightly age of 77 there were many differing takes on the situation. Many people celebrated the idea that our medical technology had advanced to the point that it was even possible to send a geriatric into space. Many people looked down on the idea as nothing more than a publicity stunt, intent to revive public interest in a beleaguered space program facing major budget cuts and possible extinction. Press conferences were an understandable blitz of questions from both sides of the issue and were emotionally taxing for the Astronaut turned Senator turned Astronaut. Rumor has it(although I can find no specific reference to it online) that at one point Senator Glenn became exasperated by the incessant questioning of one particular journalist. After the umpteenth pseudo-rhetorical question, Mr.Glenn had clearly had enough and raised his voice over the the din of the press corps saying: "Just because I am 76 doesn't mean that I don't still have dreams." The audience fell silent.

Aging has always been an arc. We begin life with little to no independent functionality and gradually gain the ability to live our life on our own. As the years go by, we pass the zenith of the arc and begin to gradually lose our independent functionality. It is the tragic reality with which man has contended since the dawning of time. Rev. Chris Osborne, pastor of Central Baptist Church in College Station, Tx ( Home of the Fightin' Texas Aggies. Whoop!) says that the reason that we so vehemently reject the concept of aging and seek to avoid our own deaths is that God has placed eternity on the hearts of men. We are designed with an eternal soul and anything that reminds us of our fallen state also reminds us that we are sojourners in this foreign land. I tend to agree.

However, we now find ourselves pushing into a brave new world where age no longer limits the human body in the way in which it once did. Fifty is the new forty. Sixty is the new fifty. Seventy is the new sixty and eighty is not really that old after all. This massive cultural shift requires nothing of those who find themselves a part of the aging demographic. They will just continue to do what they have been doing all along; living their lives. For the rest of us, it requires that we change the very core of how we think about aging. At Home Instead Senior Care, this is in our DNA. It is fundamental to everything we do. We are part of a movement that refuses to accept a 'less than' life. We are actively working to Change the Face of Aging. Daily we join with seniors and the families whom we serve to declare to all who will listen that we will not go quietly into the night! A new day has dawned and dreams can still come true.

The Difficult Choice of Caring At Home

Yesterday, NPR ran a segment entitled “The True Cost of At-Home Caregiving.” The article brilliantly paints a portrait of what our clients and their families face each and every day. For many years, the accepted norm with regards to aging was that seniors would move in with their families when they were unable to live by themselves without assistance. Then the culture shifted. Parents began to place their children into daycare facilities and mother’s day out programs so that they could free themselves to pursue the all-important American dream. In return, when those parents aged, it became customary for their children to place them into nursing homes and facilities. As my father is fond of saying, “We placed our kids in institutions as soon as they were old enough so that we could be free to live our lives. Why are we surprised that, now that we are older and need assistance, they aren’t hesitating to return the favor?” However, the pendulum has swung back the other way. More and more families are making the difficult decision to move an aging parent into their homes and provide care themselves. This is due in no small part to the tremendous rise in the cost of caring for a senior in a facility. At first glance, a multi-generational living arrangement would seem to be a cost saver but, as any family caregiver will freely tell you, the cost is not always easy to see.
One of the things we recognize at Home Instead Senior Care, is the importance of the family caregiver. Many agencies address the needs of the client but largely ignore the person who many times needs our help the most, the family caregiver. It is one of my favorite questions to ask during an initial meeting. “How are you?” It is amazing to witness the reactions people have when they haven’t been asked that question in so long that they no longer know how to answer. Most of the time the family caregiver will deflect the question and continue to speak about the condition of their loved one. I ask again. “How are you?”
Caring for your loved one at home is a beautiful gift. It is also an extremely difficult task particularly where Alzheimer’s Disease or other dementias are present. Home Instead Senior Care can help. We work to give the respite care that families need on a short-term or recurring basis. We want daughters to be free to be daughters again.

Carnivore with a Side of Vegan

As a professing Texan (as if there was any other kind), I soundly reject all aspects of the plant based approach to survival. In my mind, heaven looks like an amazing cookout. Jesus, Moses, Noah, Paul, John and I are all sitting on a deck somewhere in Texas in mid-April. Perfectly marbled, 2 inch thick rib-eye steaks are sizzling their way to a glorious medium-rare and some of Texas' finest craft beer waits to be poured while we talk theology and Aggie football. Paradise.

Yet the growing number of studies being publishing which detail the tremendous health risk of an animal based protein diet have certainly gotten my attention. I read them all online with a skeptic's eye and then quickly delete my browsing history lest someone should suspect me of considering them as a viable alternative to carnivorism.

Recently, I found myself watching an excerpt from a speech given by Neal Barnard MD. In this excerpt, Dr.Barnard speaks of the huge health risk that a diet high in saturated fat poses. He goes as far as to state that minimizing the levels of saturated and trans fat intake substantially lowers the risk for Alzheimer's Disease and Mild Cognitive Impairment. While I do not personally subscribe to some of the more extreme steps that he and many of his colleagues recommend for reasons previously stated, I do believe that our country consumes far too much meat and far too few vegetables. Watch the video below but tell no one you saw it here.

Dementia Observations

I was watching on of my favorite "lazy Sunday afternoon movies' this weekend, A Few Good Men. At one point in the movie, the lawyers are discussing their case when Tom Cruise's character says: "It doesn't matter what you think. It only matters what you can prove!" Sometimes art really does imitate life. But then again, sometimes it doesn't.

There are a number of things that I have learned in my years at Home Instead Senior Care. Some lessons I have learned correlate with specific scientific studies and factoids which validate my amateur assertions. Most of the time, however, my experience has taught me things that medical science may not publish.

This is one of those times.

There is an old adage about Alzheimer's and dementia which states: "Once you've seen one case of Alzheimer's, you've seen one case of Alzheimer's." That is true. And while every person who battles with Alzheimer's has a unique story to tell, there are some fairly consistent themes. Alzheimer's is typically a steady progression. It may be a fast progression. It may be a slow progression. In every case I have seen, it is a steady progression.

Here is a theoretical (and in no way related to a real person that I spoke with recently) example.
A previously competent father falls one morning and is admitted to a hospital for observation. After being discharged, he is sent to a rehab facility where he can receive medical attention for his wounds until they are healed. Within days of admittance into the facility, he begins to show massive signs of confusion and is hardly able to carry on a conversation. The family contacts me and says- 'He won't be able to return home now that his Alzheimer's has progressed.'

This is not the Alzheimer's that I have seen. Whenever there is an immediate drop in cognitive function, there is almost always another cause. There might be a stroke or some other type of event. Most commonly, it is a result of medication changes in my experience. Senior's kidneys work less efficiently and therefore make them more susceptible to the effects of 'pharmacological tinkering.'

So if you see someone who was as 'sharp as a tack' yesterday and 'doesn't know he's in the world' today, chances are that it isn't Alzheimer's.


[Opinions expressed therein are observational in nature and do not constitute a medical diagnosis. Lair Family Ventures LLC dba Home Instead Senior Care are not liable for any damage done if reader adopts what was previously stated as an opinion as a matter of fact. But seriously people, why would you look to a blog to diagnose or treat anyone. I'm flattered. But seriously?]

The Wonderful Wizard of Hos-pice

Last week I found myself visiting with the daughter of an aging parent. After reviewing their situation, I mentioned that it might not be a bad idea to contact a hospice organization. As soon as the word "hospice" escaped my lips, I found myself face to face with a hysterical daughter who sobbed uncontrollably at the imminent passing of her father. That wasn't what I said!

At Home Instead Senior Care, we often partner with hospice organizations. Home Instead is dedicated to the mission of helping people live life on their own terms. So is hospice. Home Instead recognizes that there are certain realities that are naturally associated with the aging process that cannot be avoided. So does hospice.

Many people think about hospice as a place but in actuality it is a philosophy of care. Hospice can help patients and their families begin to deal with whatever is happening to them on their own terms and in their own time frame. If life is a journey, think of hospice as a travel agent. Hospice helps coordinate community resources and helps you to know where to go in order to get the very best of everything. While most of us try to cheat death at every turn, there has only ever been one man who has managed to defeat death. That makes the human mortality rate pretty close to 100%. If you are the child of an aging parent and are approaching the point where care is more important than cure then I would highly suggest getting in touch with a hospice organization. They are truly wonderful people and have been a tremendous comfort to to the clients we have partnered with them to serve.

Gimme the Candy!

To say that there are an abundance of children in my neighborhood would be an understatement. Our house sits on the corner of two cul-de-sacs which, in total, represent 32 children. Halloween is kind of a big deal. Nevertheless, I am guilty of two Halloween sins. First, I turn my lights off before the candy is really gone. Once the stash of candy has run down to the dregs, I flip the light off and retreat to my lazy boy (aptly named) where I work to avoid the stomach ache which will undoubtedly follow the consumption of that many Sour Patch Kids. Second, I lie to my children. My oldest son has a peanut allergy and we therefore must screen all of our children's loot to ensure that there are no peanut candies hiding in the mix. Over the years, my wife and I have taken increasing liberties with the screening process. My kids are now convinced that there are many candies that could potentially spell disaster for people with a peanut allergy. Such as: Gummy Savers, the aforementioned Sour Patch Kids, Smarties, Rolo's, Swedish Fish, Airheads, Nerds, Sweet Tarts, Now-n-Laters,  and anything with dark chocolate in it. These are a few of my favorite things. Following the onslaught of our neighbor's goodwill, the kids all come back home and dump their goodies onto the living room floor where I scour the contents of their respective pumpkins, removing all "risky" items. Safety is important on Halloween.

I thought this blog was about seniors?

Relax, I'll get there.
One of the parts of the natural aging process is the reduction in the body's ability to taste things. This is due to a number of factors such as a reduction of saliva production as well as a reduction in the actual number of taste buds. Frequently, you will see older people dumping unholy amounts of salt, pepper, vinegar, Tabasco, etc. onto everything they eat. They don't decide to begin bathing their food in hot sauce because they have suddenly gone cajun at the ripe old age of 65. They do this because it is the only way they can taste the foods. The reduction of a senior's ability to taste their food has a couple effects which merit words of caution. First, it is no fun for older adults to eat so they don't. The only thing worse than eating by yourself is eating a meal you physically can't enjoy by yourself. Proper nutrition is important at every stage of life but probably most of all for seniors, some of whom are managing chronic conditions. These conditions can be greatly exacerbated by poor nutrition. At Home Instead Senior Care, our caregivers pay special attention to the nutritional needs of seniors and work to make meals more enjoyable. They do this not only through companionship but also by working to make mealtime more of an event. Eating out of microwaveable cardboard container stinks even with good conversation. Setting a nice table goes a long way toward making meals more palatable even if it is only for the eyes.

Ok. But how does this have anything to do with Halloween and your crimes against children?

Hold on to your hats because I'm about to bring it all home.
Riddle: If you are unable to taste anything except for things that are exceptionally salty or sweet and suddenly find yourself with an abundance of Halloween candy, what will you probably eat?
Answer: All of the leftover Halloween candy.
The days following Halloween are great times to visit the senior in your life and check in on the nutrition front. Look to make sure that there isn't a ton of candy left over which could pose a significant health threat in the absence of other foods. Plan a trip to the grocery store to provide nutritious companions if not alternatives to the belly full of Snicker's Minis that will represent the first thing your senior has been able to taste in weeks.

If the senior in your life is unreceptive to this kind of assistance then I would encourage your children to be more insistent about that second or third treat in the basket. Arm them with kind words like: 'It's for your own good,' and 'Because we care.'

Have fun and be safe tonight, dear readers. Happy Halloween!

How Does Your Garden Grow?

I find some of my greatest life lessons in my garden. Last year, I built two raised bed gardens in my backyard. I had grand dreams of the food we would grow there. Initially, the garden I made was a thing of beauty. Rich black soil, the smell of fresh mulch, bees buzzing busily as they pollinated my crops. Each morning and evening I would water and preen by hand. In short order, my garden began to blossom. Then life happened. I got busy. I got too busy to continue to spend the amount of time that I had initially spent cultivating my garden. As a result, weeds and bugs began to invade. Before long, the fantastic thing I built was no longer.

So much of in-home care is a garden. Initially, we utilize a ton of resources to ensure that we are recruiting and training the very best caregivers available. The background check we run on all our applicants continues to be the most thorough available, the reference checks and drug screening we insist upon have set the standard for in-home care. But that isn't enough. We must continue to water and preen our garden lest the weeds and bugs should invade. This is the new battlefield for in-home care providers.

One of our two core values at Home Instead Senior Care in Chapel Hill is to exceed the expectations of everyone that we encounter. We call it our 4E's. Sadly, the expectations from seniors and their families are fairly low. They have become accustomed to a certain amount of tardiness, a certain amount of apathy, a certain amount of absenteeism when dealing with in-home care. Their experience with the industry has taught them what they can realistically expect. From day one, we fight against this "assumed reality" with our clients and our caregivers. From birthday and anniversary cards, to our P.E.A.Q. program, to our quality assurance visits, to our on-call policy, to our community involvement-Home Instead Senior Care is working to exceed the expectations of everyone that we encounter. As anyone who is happily married can tell you, relationships do not build themselves. Like gardens, relationships require constant effort if they are to grow.

Engaging the Lost Causes

When caring for people who are suffering from Alzheimer's and other forms of dementia, there comes a time when the person suffering loses the ability to communicate. During typical late stage Alzheimer's, a person may be bed or chair-bound, unable to speak, and in some cases completely unresponsive. Sadly, the temptation is to disengage from the person we love at this point. Why bother talking with them when they can't talk back? Why ask them questions to which they can no longer respond? While this approach is understandable to anyone who has dealt with this disease firsthand, it misses a huge opportunity to continue to connect with the people we care about.

During our Alzheimer's and Other Dementia training at Home Instead Senior Care, we deal specifically with late stage clients. We address the fact that just because the people for whom we are caring aren't able to verbally validate our attempts, we shouldn't be discouraged from continuing to interact with them. We should, however, amend the techniques we use in order to give them the maximum benefit of our involvement.

The techniques we use for late stage clients all revolve around the five senses: smell, touch, taste, sight, and hearing. These senses unlock a world of memories for the clients that we serve that we may never truly realize. For all of us, there are certain things which take us to another time and place.

-If I smell Cinnamon Butter Cake, I am transported back to my grandparent's house in Woodward, OK. I can see the large front door they had swinging open as my brother and I bound out of the car after a long drive up from Texas and into their waiting arms.
-The feel of a saxophone in my hands brings back memories of long band bus trips and cold competition mornings.
-The taste of tamales paints a portrait of Christmas in San Antonio that no artist could ever come close to rivaling.
-The sight of pictures of my kids in their toddler years brings smiles to my heart that last all day.
-If I hear the song "Two Princes" by the Spin Doctors, I find myself sitting in the back seat of Jana Davis' car on the way to school. She was a beautiful flute player in the high school band who as a senior agreed to give me a ride as a freshman so that I wouldn't have to ride the bus.

None of these journeys you can go on with me. For our dementia clients in their late stages, you can't go where they are headed either. You may never get the validation of knowing that you have given them the memory tool to take that mental trip. But we do not care for those in our lives in order to attain some personal validation, we care for them in order to provide them with the best possible quality of life. And on that mission, we never give up.

A Turn For the Worse

If I had a nickel for every time I heard the phrase "Since she has been at the hospital, Mother's dementia has taken a turn for the worse," I would be a very wealthy man. The idea that hospitals cause dementia is an amazing phenomenon to me that way too many people accept at face value as a universal truth of aging. Hospitals do not cause dementia. Granted, with the size and confusing layout of most hospitals even I forget how to get back to the parking garage from time to time. The fact that so many seniors never have the opportunity to return home from a hospital stay due to the mysterious "dementia monster" attacking them upon admission is troubling. The fact that this absurd logic is never even challenged is downright maddening.

What causes dementia is, in fact, a mystery. Scientists know that the greatest risk factor is advancing age but beyond that the entirety of medical knowledge on the subject resorts to what can be most aptly described as a "best guess scenario."The sudden, rapid progression of dementia is a far less complicated matter to investigate than actual dementia. So allow me.

In the normal aging process, senior's bodies begin to function differently than they did  in younger years. Kidneys do not function as efficiently as they once did. This particular facet of aging, I believe is responsible for a huge percentage of the post hospital rehab admissions today. Imagine this scenario:

A woman, age 94, has lived independently since her husband's death two decades ago. She continues to be fairly engaged in the community and has a caregiver who comes in twice a week to keep her company and assist her with errands and chores around the house. At times, she has troubling recalling certain things but the things she forgets will generally come back to her and do not interfere with her daily life. She is a model for aging with independence. One day she slips and falls while retrieving the mail. Due to the brittle nature of her bones, she fractures her left hip requiring surgery. The surgery goes extremely well, especially considering her age, and the doctors all say that after some quick rehab she should be fine to return home with limited assistance as before. Not so strangely, she begins to show confusion following surgery. It is gradual at first and then increases rapidly. The doctor's offer a simple explanation. Sometimes in a hospital situation, a senior's dementia takes a turn for the worse. AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!! With respect to the kind hearted medical professionals, allow me to postulate another theory. This particular 94 year old has avoided medications for most of her life wherever possible. She takes a baby aspirin every morning and a multivitamin because an episode of Donahue told her that doing so might reduce her risk of certain cancers. Suddenly, due to her hip fracture, she is being given an anesthetic for the actual surgery, a sedative to help her sleep at night, a medication to prevent constipation, and Oxycodone to ease the pain. When you combine that cocktail with the knowledge that her kidneys are not filtering these drugs effectively, another possible diagnosis presents itself. She isn't suddenly demented. SHE IS HIGH!!

I wish I could tell you that this woman eventually stabilized and was able to return home. I wish I could tell you that she wasn't discharged to a skilled nursing facility where she was administered a daily dose of instant-dementia for the rest of her days. Most of all, I wish I could tell you that her's was a unique story. But alas, I am unable to make any of these statements and instead sit here at the keyboard typing, collecting a nickel for every time that I hear that someone's dementia has taken a turn for the worse.

The Foul Ball

This is the story of an unbelievable experience I had while caring for one of our clients. It appears as it was published in Fifteen-501 The Magazine.

"As the owner of a senior care company, I've learned that spending as much time as possible with clients keeps me in touch with what I believe to be the heartbeat of our business. While most still live in their homes with our assistance, many clients reside in facilities. For the latter, we provide a much-needed escape from the monotony that can have a devastating effect on the morale of those who, despite their outward appearance, feel no different than they did 40 years ago.

I had the privilege of taking one such client, Mr.H, to a Durham Bulls baseball game last season. Mr.H, who lives in an assisted living facility in Chapel Hill, has moderate dementia. As with many who suffer from this condition, there are things about his life that are clear as a bell and others that elude him: He can't tell you what he did for a living for 35 years or how he came to be in Chapel Hill, but he can tell you what it was like to storm the beaches at Normandy, how cold the water was, and how he prayed that he would make it to the beach before he was shot down because he didn't want to die drowning.

He can also tell you what it was like to watch Babe Ruth take batting practice during the late 1920's, and how the effortlessly the slugger knocked 10 or 12 balls over the fence. In medical circles, they call these memories "moments of clarity." A s a student of history, I don't mind the repetition of stories, so we spent the first five or six innings of the game talking through some of these moments. He asked me several times whether I had ever caught a foul ball, and mentioned how he couldn't believe that in 83 years of attending baseball games he'd never caught one himself.

As the day wore on, the heat finally got the best of us. After the seventh inning stretch, we decided to call it quits. He asked the foul-ball question again as we were leaving, and I replied that we'd have to wait until next time around. At that exact moment, we heard the crack of the bat and both turned to look. the ball floated in the air toward us in almost slow motion, and after what seemed like an eternity, it landed-- literally--at Mr.H's feet. I bent down, picked it up, and handed it to him. He had caught his first foul ball.

The ride back was quiet to say the least. The entire experience was surreal. He spent most of the time tossing the ball between his hands, smiling, quietly uttering, "Eighty-three years. I can't believe it. Eighty-three years."

When we returned to the facility, he shook my hand, thanked me again and began to walk inside. After four or five steps, he turned around and looked down at the ball, then back at me.

"Maybe you can come sometime and we can have a catch," he said. "Sure," I replied. "It would be my pleasure."

I know Mr.H might not remember that I was the one who took him to the game that day. I know he might not be able to recall what teams were playing. I do know, however, that he'll remember the day that he caught a foul ball. I know that as cloudy as his mind might be, that moment has joined the pantheon of Babe Ruth and Normandy, and I was there to see it. I got to see an 83-year-old become just another boy at the ballpark. I watched a man come alive, if only for a moment.

Both Sides

I have been blessed by so many things in my life. Among the most wonderful of these blessings is my wife. I like to think that we have 'a groovy kind of love.' We have had our ups and downs but after 11 years there have been far more ups than downs. After a decade, she still takes my breath away.

On Monday evenings, we host a church small group comprised mostly of younger couples. We enjoy sharing in the excitement of their marriages and in walking with them through the reality check that often occurs after about six months of living with a new spouse. Ah, young love.

At work however, I am privileged to be able to observe the other side of  love. I meet almost daily with husbands and wives who are living out their covenant vows in often painful and trying circumstances. I see wives who are doing everything possible to preserve the dignity of the man that they adore as his mind and body are ravaged by the effects of Alzheimer's disease. I see husbands drive daily to sit by the bedside of the love of their life and softly sing a song to which they used to dance. No longer able to walk, they hold hands and dance through their memories together. It is a poignant, beautiful thing that I get to see. It is a picture that moves me to cherish my bride even more.

Two members of our small group, Ben and Brittany recently walked through a moment like that earlier in their marriage than they had ever imagined. Complications surrounding the birth of their twins put the survival of the mother and both of the daughters in jeopardy. We give thank God that Brittany and both of the girls are home and doing very well. Today is Ben and Brittany's two year anniversary. Somehow I think that he will  hold her a little closer today than maybe he did before. Not because he didn't love her before but because he has now seen both sides.  The blinding affection of young love is intoxicating but fleeting. The mature resolute love that has been tested and yet endures is sacrosanct.

http://vimeo.com/15103432

Am I Going To Get Alzheimer's?

Alzheimer's disease is one of the most tragic things to potentially happen to a senior. But so many people suffer from the fear of Alzheimer's for years unnecessarily. While there are a multitude of theories and speculations regarding this disease, the disappointing reality is that we still don't know much about it. Sure we can tell you what it does, what it looks like, and how it generally progresses but we still can't tell you who is going to get it. We can't tell you who is most at risk. We can't tell you how to slow it down. We can't tell you how to stop it. After a hundred years of research, we can't tell you how to cure Alzheimer's disease.
The lack of concrete answers hasn't stopped us from inventing our own realities. I grew up watching my grandfather work the crossword every morning and adopted a 'use it or lose' mentality regarding Alzheimer's. Many others take fish oil supplements or avoid certain foods or chemicals. These may all be great habits to form but there is relatively little scientific evidence which suggests that they are anything more than wishful thinking.
For anyone with a genetic connection to it, the fear of inheriting Alzheimer's disease can become an all consuming force. Everything you forget somehow translates into a sure sign that you have the disease. Studies have shown that there are relatively few cases of Alzheimer's which can be attributed to genetics. Some studies put the number at less than 1%! Early onset Alzheimer's can be cause for alarm. These are situations where someone will develop Alzheimer's prior to turning 65. In those instances, there is a stronger probability that someone in their family might develop Alzheimer's as well. Those cases represent less 5% of all documented diagnoses and therefore shouldn't strike premature fear in our hearts. If someone in your family develops Alzheimer's well after their 65th birthday there is no significant cause for alarm as the biggest cause of the disease is increasing age. In fact, by the time someone reaches the age of 85, the odds of them developing Alzheimer's disease is around 47%.
So the simple answer to the question 'Am I going to get Alzheimer's?' is that we just don't know. If you live a long time you run a greater risk.
As a father of five young children, I have become increasingly forgetful in the last few years. At times it has caused me to ask the same question. Am I going to get Alzheimer's? But then I think about what Jesus said. ""Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?  And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:25-34

Wheelchairs at the Gym

Several years ago, my family took a trip to Disney World. My wife was eight months pregnant with our fourth child. Our three other boys were old enough to enjoy it but young enough to still be a handful. My mother-in-law and her significant other were with us as well. Initially, I was a bit dismayed by the last addition because her significant other was still recovering from a recent hip surgery and I was certain would slow us down dramatically. What I didn't realize was that anyone on a wheelchair or motorized scooter goes immediately to the front of every line- WITH THEIR ENTIRE ENTOURAGE! I am not proud of the way that we exploited his physical malady that day but I can say that with three kids and a pregnant wife we set a land speed record for most rides and parks in a single visit that still stands.

In the video clip below, Mary Maxwell talks about some of the disadvantages of this type of posturing in places other than Disney. Happy Friday!

http://www.caregiverstress.com/2012/08/seniors-at-the-gym/

A Sad (but fairly typical) Story

We are all familiar with the woeful reputation of Cinderella’s evil stepmother. Certain roles in a family structure are notorious in repute. They become historical punchlines- the old ball-n-chain, the in laws, the mother in law, the crazy uncle. They are funny to talk about because at some level and in some cases there is partial truth to them.
Recently, I spoke with a woman dealing with the care of her father. Her dad recently celebrated his 90th birthday and has started to exhibit some symptoms of mild dementia. He remarried about 15 years ago much to the chagrin of all of the children and the relationship between these adult children and their new “evil stepmother” never warmed. However, there was one topic on which they all agreed. They promised their dad/husband that they would never put him in a facility. This promise was to become the wedge that would drive the family apart.
Over the last several months, Dad’s condition has worsened. Not tremendously, but certainly to the point where the day to day aspects of providing care for him have become overwhelming for one person to handle. Suddenly, the promise to keep him at home is relative for his new wife. A nursing home seems the only acceptable solution. As one of the daughters told me this story her anger for her stepmother and the broken promise was palpable. This was not the plan. Dad deserves better.
One of the things we stress during our initial training sessions for new caregivers is the critical importance of taking care of the caregiver. As a caregiver, the rigors and demands of serving the increasing needs of a senior are staggering. The emotional toll of caregiving creates a level of stress to which even the most empathetic observers are oblivious. This stress manifests in different ways for different people. Upset stomach, insomnia, canker sores, back pain, headaches, loss of appetite, depression, among other symptoms are things to which we teach our caregivers to pay close attention. YOU ARE NO GOOD TO SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU DON’T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.
This “evil stepmother” is not truly evil in my opinion. Her desire is not to break the heartfelt promises of a family to an elderly man. She is a family caregiver who has reached her breaking point and been pushed beyond it. She wishes to put her husband into a retirement home because it is the only option she can see. It is the only relief in her sight. While any rational observer may be able to see that resources and help are available, she is no longer a rational observer. She is exhausted on a level that her “evil stepchildren” can’t comprehend. And the lack of understanding on both sides is what drives the wedge and fuels the stereotype.
Are you a family caregiver? For help managing stress visit- http://www.caregiverstress.com/