Monday, May 13, 2013

6 Kids and Counting

The rumors are true. I have six children. Let me rephrase that. I have six, beautiful, perfectly healthy, intelligent sons. To say that I am blessed doesn't nearly encapsulate all that I have been given. The fact that my wife and I have brought six children into this world with little to no medical complications is miraculous. The fact that we have even been able to conceive six times is amazing. And yet, the one reaction that we consistently receive from those around us is pity. The pity is especially profound when people find out that we have six BOYS. "Oh you poor thing!" "You  must have been just desperate for that girl." "Oh your poor wife!" And my personal favorite: "Don't y'all know what causes that?"

The last several weeks have been emotionally draining for me. I am, by nature, an empathetic person and tend to carry emotional baggage for the people in my life. There has lately been much baggage to carry. I have close friends that have lost babies, are facing the possibility of losing a baby, are facing the possibility of losing a young child, or have been trying desperately for years to have a child to no avail. Each night they come home to an empty nursery or find themselves curled up in a vinyl hospital chair praying that God will somehow intervene.

I believe that we live in a fallen world. I believe that this world was created perfect and pure and that  because of our rebellion against the Creator things have deteriorated to this point. I believe that death and disease and sickness and heartbreak were not the Creator's intent. I believe that there is a battle being waged between good and evil because I see the evidence of it all around me. It is everywhere I look.

And then I see my children. I see my six, beautiful, perfectly healthy, intelligent sons. For whatever reason, God has gifted my wife and I with the ability to bring good things into this world. Each one of my sons stands in defiance of a world where babies die and people hurt. Their laughter and joy reminds us all of a purity lost but not forgotten.  I have no doubt that we battle an enemy who seeks to kill and destroy. I have seen his victories in the lives of those who matter most to me. Each of my sons is a victory over his wicked agenda. Each of my sons is a reminder that the Creator of life has not forgotten us. In a cruel and dark world, they are a beacons of goodness and light. My children strengthen my hope in the God who promised that he will return and make all things new again.

And so for the people who seem so bewildered by the size of our family, for those who are perplexed by our ever-increasing brood, for those who in word and thought pity us for the "burden" we have to raise a large family, I would point you to the book of Psalms chapter 127 verses 3-5.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is a man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate."

My children are a blessing. They are a rich reward that someone else paid dearly for me to receive. I will cherish them as such and continue to welcome every blessing God chooses to send my way.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Seventy-Seven Is Not Really That Old

When John Glenn was rocketed back into orbit at the sprightly age of 77 there were many differing takes on the situation. Many people celebrated the idea that our medical technology had advanced to the point that it was even possible to send a geriatric into space. Many people looked down on the idea as nothing more than a publicity stunt, intent to revive public interest in a beleaguered space program facing major budget cuts and possible extinction. Press conferences were an understandable blitz of questions from both sides of the issue and were emotionally taxing for the Astronaut turned Senator turned Astronaut. Rumor has it(although I can find no specific reference to it online) that at one point Senator Glenn became exasperated by the incessant questioning of one particular journalist. After the umpteenth pseudo-rhetorical question, Mr.Glenn had clearly had enough and raised his voice over the the din of the press corps saying: "Just because I am 76 doesn't mean that I don't still have dreams." The audience fell silent.

Aging has always been an arc. We begin life with little to no independent functionality and gradually gain the ability to live our life on our own. As the years go by, we pass the zenith of the arc and begin to gradually lose our independent functionality. It is the tragic reality with which man has contended since the dawning of time. Rev. Chris Osborne, pastor of Central Baptist Church in College Station, Tx ( Home of the Fightin' Texas Aggies. Whoop!) says that the reason that we so vehemently reject the concept of aging and seek to avoid our own deaths is that God has placed eternity on the hearts of men. We are designed with an eternal soul and anything that reminds us of our fallen state also reminds us that we are sojourners in this foreign land. I tend to agree.

However, we now find ourselves pushing into a brave new world where age no longer limits the human body in the way in which it once did. Fifty is the new forty. Sixty is the new fifty. Seventy is the new sixty and eighty is not really that old after all. This massive cultural shift requires nothing of those who find themselves a part of the aging demographic. They will just continue to do what they have been doing all along; living their lives. For the rest of us, it requires that we change the very core of how we think about aging. At Home Instead Senior Care, this is in our DNA. It is fundamental to everything we do. We are part of a movement that refuses to accept a 'less than' life. We are actively working to Change the Face of Aging. Daily we join with seniors and the families whom we serve to declare to all who will listen that we will not go quietly into the night! A new day has dawned and dreams can still come true.


Friday, May 3, 2013

What Good is Long Term Care Insurance?

I have heard countless horror stories about insurance. It seemed to be ubiquitous during the debate leading up to the passage of the new healthcare law. Insurance companies are out to get us! Evil corporations are profiteering on the misfortune of others!

Unfortunately, the positive aspects of being insured never receive the same fanfare as the tales of woe which are politically useful when public servants are attempting to push an agenda. I suppose they don't make for interesting news stories. "Stay tuned to hear about how a father purchased insurance for his family and then received the benefit to which he was entitled when his son broke his arm at a middle school soccer game." Next.

At Home Instead Senior Care, I have the opportunity to visit with families each day who are faced with the fiscal reality of what it takes to provide quality care for their aging parents. Most are thrust into being a family caregiver without any warning or forethought. They wake up at 3am to a phone call letting them know that their relationship to their parents has forever changed. They thought they had more time. Many have no plan in place. As a result, they will spend the years to come in a constant tug-o-war between the desire to give their parents the best care available and the financial reality of providing that care. Sacrifices will be made. Compromises will be agreed upon. Regrets will endure.

Other families will never face that music. They will likely wake to the same phone call at 3am. Their lives will probably also change with little or no warning. They also thought that they had more time. But they have a plan in place. Years ago, their parents saw the proverbial writing on the wall and purchased a Long Term Care Insurance(LTCI) policy for themselves. Their children will still work to give them the best care available but will never be forced to make the same heartbreaking decisions as others in similar situations. They will have tools and resources at their disposal as a result of their parents' foresight.

There are horror stories about every type of insurance policy not providing benefits in the way in which it was expected but those stories are the rare exception and not the rule. The reality is that most of us go through life paying for insurance policies which protect us against things from which we will likely never suffer.  Most people will live their lives without ever suffering a catastrophic injury or illness. And yet there is a tremendous sense of urgency to be insured 'just in case.' A LTCI Policy is the one type of policy that is not a 'just in case' arrangement. You will get older. You will need help. It is only a question of when. And when that time comes, how will your children provide for you?


Thursday, May 2, 2013

The Difficult Choice of Caring At Home

Yesterday, NPR ran a segment entitled “The True Cost of At-Home Caregiving.” The article brilliantly paints a portrait of what our clients and their families face each and every day. For many years, the accepted norm with regards to aging was that seniors would move in with their families when they were unable to live by themselves without assistance. Then the culture shifted. Parents began to place their children into daycare facilities and mother’s day out programs so that they could free themselves to pursue the all-important American dream. In return, when those parents aged, it became customary for their children to place them into nursing homes and facilities. As my father is fond of saying, “We placed our kids in institutions as soon as they were old enough so that we could be free to live our lives. Why are we surprised that, now that we are older and need assistance, they aren’t hesitating to return the favor?” However, the pendulum has swung back the other way. More and more families are making the difficult decision to move an aging parent into their homes and provide care themselves. This is due in no small part to the tremendous rise in the cost of caring for a senior in a facility. At first glance, a multi-generational living arrangement would seem to be a cost saver but, as any family caregiver will freely tell you, the cost is not always easy to see.
One of the things we recognize at Home Instead Senior Care, is the importance of the family caregiver. Many agencies address the needs of the client but largely ignore the person who many times needs our help the most, the family caregiver. It is one of my favorite questions to ask during an initial meeting. “How are you?” It is amazing to witness the reactions people have when they haven’t been asked that question in so long that they no longer know how to answer. Most of the time the family caregiver will deflect the question and continue to speak about the condition of their loved one. I ask again. “How are you?”
Caring for your loved one at home is a beautiful gift. It is also an extremely difficult task particularly where Alzheimer’s Disease or other dementias are present. Home Instead Senior Care can help. We work to give the respite care that families need on a short-term or recurring basis. We want daughters to be free to be daughters again.