Several years ago, at our Home Instead Senior Care International
Convention, a senior citizen named Mary Maxwell delivered the
invocation. Part prayer, part hilarious rant about aging; it left us all
howling with laughter. The Youtube video has since gone viral with
almost 10 million views but I still crack up every time I watch it.
Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPFCn3itBFE
Monday, September 24, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Both Sides
I have been blessed by so many things in my life. Among the most wonderful of these blessings is my wife. I like to think that we have 'a groovy kind of love.' We have had our ups and downs but after 11 years there have been far more ups than downs. After a decade, she still takes my breath away.
On Monday evenings, we host a church small group comprised mostly of younger couples. We enjoy sharing in the excitement of their marriages and in walking with them through the reality check that often occurs after about six months of living with a new spouse. Ah, young love.
At work however, I am privileged to be able to observe the other side of love. I meet almost daily with husbands and wives who are living out their covenant vows in often painful and trying circumstances. I see wives who are doing everything possible to preserve the dignity of the man that they adore as his mind and body are ravaged by the effects of Alzheimer's disease. I see husbands drive daily to sit by the bedside of the love of their life and softly sing a song to which they used to dance. No longer able to walk, they hold hands and dance through their memories together. It is a poignant, beautiful thing that I get to see. It is a picture that moves me to cherish my bride even more.
Two members of our small group, Ben and Brittany recently walked through a moment like that earlier in their marriage than they had ever imagined. Complications surrounding the birth of their twins put the survival of the mother and both of the daughters in jeopardy. We give thank God that Brittany and both of the girls are home and doing very well. Today is Ben and Brittany's two year anniversary. Somehow I think that he will hold her a little closer today than maybe he did before. Not because he didn't love her before but because he has now seen both sides. The blinding affection of young love is intoxicating but fleeting. The mature resolute love that has been tested and yet endures is sacrosanct.
http://vimeo.com/15103432
On Monday evenings, we host a church small group comprised mostly of younger couples. We enjoy sharing in the excitement of their marriages and in walking with them through the reality check that often occurs after about six months of living with a new spouse. Ah, young love.
At work however, I am privileged to be able to observe the other side of love. I meet almost daily with husbands and wives who are living out their covenant vows in often painful and trying circumstances. I see wives who are doing everything possible to preserve the dignity of the man that they adore as his mind and body are ravaged by the effects of Alzheimer's disease. I see husbands drive daily to sit by the bedside of the love of their life and softly sing a song to which they used to dance. No longer able to walk, they hold hands and dance through their memories together. It is a poignant, beautiful thing that I get to see. It is a picture that moves me to cherish my bride even more.
Two members of our small group, Ben and Brittany recently walked through a moment like that earlier in their marriage than they had ever imagined. Complications surrounding the birth of their twins put the survival of the mother and both of the daughters in jeopardy. We give thank God that Brittany and both of the girls are home and doing very well. Today is Ben and Brittany's two year anniversary. Somehow I think that he will hold her a little closer today than maybe he did before. Not because he didn't love her before but because he has now seen both sides. The blinding affection of young love is intoxicating but fleeting. The mature resolute love that has been tested and yet endures is sacrosanct.
http://vimeo.com/15103432
Monday, September 17, 2012
Am I Going To Get Alzheimer's?
Alzheimer's disease is one of the most tragic things to potentially
happen to a senior. But so many people suffer from the fear of
Alzheimer's for years unnecessarily. While there are a multitude of
theories and speculations regarding this disease, the disappointing
reality is that we still don't know much about it. Sure we can tell you
what it does, what it looks like, and how it generally progresses but we
still can't tell you who is going to get it. We can't tell you who is
most at risk. We can't tell you how to slow it down. We can't tell you
how to stop it. After a hundred years of research, we can't tell you how
to cure Alzheimer's disease.
The lack of concrete answers hasn't stopped us from inventing our own realities. I grew up watching my grandfather work the crossword every morning and adopted a 'use it or lose' mentality regarding Alzheimer's. Many others take fish oil supplements or avoid certain foods or chemicals. These may all be great habits to form but there is relatively little scientific evidence which suggests that they are anything more than wishful thinking.
For anyone with a genetic connection to it, the fear of inheriting Alzheimer's disease can become an all consuming force. Everything you forget somehow translates into a sure sign that you have the disease. Studies have shown that there are relatively few cases of Alzheimer's which can be attributed to genetics. Some studies put the number at less than 1%! Early onset Alzheimer's can be cause for alarm. These are situations where someone will develop Alzheimer's prior to turning 65. In those instances, there is a stronger probability that someone in their family might develop Alzheimer's as well. Those cases represent less 5% of all documented diagnoses and therefore shouldn't strike premature fear in our hearts. If someone in your family develops Alzheimer's well after their 65th birthday there is no significant cause for alarm as the biggest cause of the disease is increasing age. In fact, by the time someone reaches the age of 85, the odds of them developing Alzheimer's disease is around 47%.
So the simple answer to the question 'Am I going to get Alzheimer's?' is that we just don't know. If you live a long time you run a greater risk.
As a father of five young children, I have become increasingly forgetful in the last few years. At times it has caused me to ask the same question. Am I going to get Alzheimer's? But then I think about what Jesus said. ""Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:25-34
The lack of concrete answers hasn't stopped us from inventing our own realities. I grew up watching my grandfather work the crossword every morning and adopted a 'use it or lose' mentality regarding Alzheimer's. Many others take fish oil supplements or avoid certain foods or chemicals. These may all be great habits to form but there is relatively little scientific evidence which suggests that they are anything more than wishful thinking.
For anyone with a genetic connection to it, the fear of inheriting Alzheimer's disease can become an all consuming force. Everything you forget somehow translates into a sure sign that you have the disease. Studies have shown that there are relatively few cases of Alzheimer's which can be attributed to genetics. Some studies put the number at less than 1%! Early onset Alzheimer's can be cause for alarm. These are situations where someone will develop Alzheimer's prior to turning 65. In those instances, there is a stronger probability that someone in their family might develop Alzheimer's as well. Those cases represent less 5% of all documented diagnoses and therefore shouldn't strike premature fear in our hearts. If someone in your family develops Alzheimer's well after their 65th birthday there is no significant cause for alarm as the biggest cause of the disease is increasing age. In fact, by the time someone reaches the age of 85, the odds of them developing Alzheimer's disease is around 47%.
So the simple answer to the question 'Am I going to get Alzheimer's?' is that we just don't know. If you live a long time you run a greater risk.
As a father of five young children, I have become increasingly forgetful in the last few years. At times it has caused me to ask the same question. Am I going to get Alzheimer's? But then I think about what Jesus said. ""Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. 34 "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Matthew 6:25-34
Friday, September 14, 2012
Wheelchairs at the Gym
Several years ago, my family took a trip to Disney World. My wife was eight months pregnant with our fourth child. Our three other boys were old enough to enjoy it but young enough to still be a handful. My mother-in-law and her significant other were with us as well. Initially, I was a bit dismayed by the last addition because her significant other was still recovering from a recent hip surgery and I was certain would slow us down dramatically. What I didn't realize was that anyone on a wheelchair or motorized scooter goes immediately to the front of every line- WITH THEIR ENTIRE ENTOURAGE! I am not proud of the way that we exploited his physical malady that day but I can say that with three kids and a pregnant wife we set a land speed record for most rides and parks in a single visit that still stands.
In the video clip below, Mary Maxwell talks about some of the disadvantages of this type of posturing in places other than Disney. Happy Friday!
http://www.caregiverstress.com/2012/08/seniors-at-the-gym/
In the video clip below, Mary Maxwell talks about some of the disadvantages of this type of posturing in places other than Disney. Happy Friday!
http://www.caregiverstress.com/2012/08/seniors-at-the-gym/
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Sitters and Doers
One of my greatest pet peeves in this business is the word "sitter." At Home Instead Senior Care, we employ CAREGivers. We do not provide sitters. The implication in the title "sitter" is that the person who spends time will be there in the same capacity as a guard dog or life alert pendant. They are only really there to make sure nothing terrible happens and to alert the proper authorities if it does. A CAREGiver is a different breed entirely. A CAREGiver is someone who is there to live life with a senior, someone to invest their heart into someone else. True, sometimes that is sitting beside someone's bed so that if they wake in the night following an illness they will be comforted by knowing someone is there. But even in those sedentary moments, a CAREGiver is not a sitter. Consider dining at a restaurant. Upon being seated, your table is approached by someone who tells you that they will be taking your order and bringing you your food once it is ready. Alternatively, you visit the same restaurant the next night and are greeted by someone who tells you that it is their job to serve you. While some of the tasks may be identical, the approach is entirely different. At Home Instead Senior Care, everything we do is built around the relationship. We are not "sitters." If anything, we are "doers."
Below is a link to a wonderful article about a relationship that formed over time between a senior and her caregiver.
http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/09/11/the-caregiver/
Below is a link to a wonderful article about a relationship that formed over time between a senior and her caregiver.
http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/09/11/the-caregiver/
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Three Crimes to Watch For
Home Instead Senior Care franchises across the country are in the middle of a public education campaign to protect seniors from fraud. According to a recent Metlife study, the annual financial loss incurred by seniors as a result of fraud is $2.9 billion. The Metlife study group the fraud perpetrated against seniors into three categories: crimes of occasion, crimes of desperation and crimes of predation.
Crimes of Predation-
This is what most people think of when they think about seniors being defrauded. Crimes of predation are crimes that spring out of relationships which were formed for the sole purpose of stealing from a senior. The fake charity that calls for a donation, the bogus repairman who "fixes" the shaky porch railing, the fraudulent termite inspector that treats for an infestation.
Crimes of Desperation-
These are the crimes that are rarely discussed. Crimes of desperation are typically committed by family or close friends. Usually, the person committing the crime is dependent upon the senior in some way financially. In my experience, I have seen children drain their parents finances or deprive their parents of the type of care they need because they don't want to spend what they already view as their inheritance. In these instances, the children don't believe that there is anything wrong with taking from their parents because they feel that they have somehow earned it.
Crimes of Occasion-
This type of fraud is usually committed just because the opportunity presented itself. The senior had money or something of value, the opportunity presented itself and the person took it.
For more resources on how to prevent crime against seniors visit www.protectseniorsfromfraud.com
Crimes of Predation-
This is what most people think of when they think about seniors being defrauded. Crimes of predation are crimes that spring out of relationships which were formed for the sole purpose of stealing from a senior. The fake charity that calls for a donation, the bogus repairman who "fixes" the shaky porch railing, the fraudulent termite inspector that treats for an infestation.
Crimes of Desperation-
These are the crimes that are rarely discussed. Crimes of desperation are typically committed by family or close friends. Usually, the person committing the crime is dependent upon the senior in some way financially. In my experience, I have seen children drain their parents finances or deprive their parents of the type of care they need because they don't want to spend what they already view as their inheritance. In these instances, the children don't believe that there is anything wrong with taking from their parents because they feel that they have somehow earned it.
Crimes of Occasion-
This type of fraud is usually committed just because the opportunity presented itself. The senior had money or something of value, the opportunity presented itself and the person took it.
For more resources on how to prevent crime against seniors visit www.protectseniorsfromfraud.com
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
A Sad (but fairly typical) Story
We are all familiar with the woeful reputation of Cinderella’s evil
stepmother. Certain roles in a family structure are notorious in repute.
They become historical punchlines- the old ball-n-chain, the in laws,
the mother in law, the crazy uncle. They are funny to talk about because
at some level and in some cases there is partial truth to them.
Recently, I spoke with a woman dealing with the care of her father. Her dad recently celebrated his 90th birthday and has started to exhibit some symptoms of mild dementia. He remarried about 15 years ago much to the chagrin of all of the children and the relationship between these adult children and their new “evil stepmother” never warmed. However, there was one topic on which they all agreed. They promised their dad/husband that they would never put him in a facility. This promise was to become the wedge that would drive the family apart.
Over the last several months, Dad’s condition has worsened. Not tremendously, but certainly to the point where the day to day aspects of providing care for him have become overwhelming for one person to handle. Suddenly, the promise to keep him at home is relative for his new wife. A nursing home seems the only acceptable solution. As one of the daughters told me this story her anger for her stepmother and the broken promise was palpable. This was not the plan. Dad deserves better.
One of the things we stress during our initial training sessions for new caregivers is the critical importance of taking care of the caregiver. As a caregiver, the rigors and demands of serving the increasing needs of a senior are staggering. The emotional toll of caregiving creates a level of stress to which even the most empathetic observers are oblivious. This stress manifests in different ways for different people. Upset stomach, insomnia, canker sores, back pain, headaches, loss of appetite, depression, among other symptoms are things to which we teach our caregivers to pay close attention. YOU ARE NO GOOD TO SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU DON’T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.
This “evil stepmother” is not truly evil in my opinion. Her desire is not to break the heartfelt promises of a family to an elderly man. She is a family caregiver who has reached her breaking point and been pushed beyond it. She wishes to put her husband into a retirement home because it is the only option she can see. It is the only relief in her sight. While any rational observer may be able to see that resources and help are available, she is no longer a rational observer. She is exhausted on a level that her “evil stepchildren” can’t comprehend. And the lack of understanding on both sides is what drives the wedge and fuels the stereotype.
Are you a family caregiver? For help managing stress visit- http://www.caregiverstress.com/
Recently, I spoke with a woman dealing with the care of her father. Her dad recently celebrated his 90th birthday and has started to exhibit some symptoms of mild dementia. He remarried about 15 years ago much to the chagrin of all of the children and the relationship between these adult children and their new “evil stepmother” never warmed. However, there was one topic on which they all agreed. They promised their dad/husband that they would never put him in a facility. This promise was to become the wedge that would drive the family apart.
Over the last several months, Dad’s condition has worsened. Not tremendously, but certainly to the point where the day to day aspects of providing care for him have become overwhelming for one person to handle. Suddenly, the promise to keep him at home is relative for his new wife. A nursing home seems the only acceptable solution. As one of the daughters told me this story her anger for her stepmother and the broken promise was palpable. This was not the plan. Dad deserves better.
One of the things we stress during our initial training sessions for new caregivers is the critical importance of taking care of the caregiver. As a caregiver, the rigors and demands of serving the increasing needs of a senior are staggering. The emotional toll of caregiving creates a level of stress to which even the most empathetic observers are oblivious. This stress manifests in different ways for different people. Upset stomach, insomnia, canker sores, back pain, headaches, loss of appetite, depression, among other symptoms are things to which we teach our caregivers to pay close attention. YOU ARE NO GOOD TO SOMEONE ELSE IF YOU DON’T TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST.
This “evil stepmother” is not truly evil in my opinion. Her desire is not to break the heartfelt promises of a family to an elderly man. She is a family caregiver who has reached her breaking point and been pushed beyond it. She wishes to put her husband into a retirement home because it is the only option she can see. It is the only relief in her sight. While any rational observer may be able to see that resources and help are available, she is no longer a rational observer. She is exhausted on a level that her “evil stepchildren” can’t comprehend. And the lack of understanding on both sides is what drives the wedge and fuels the stereotype.
Are you a family caregiver? For help managing stress visit- http://www.caregiverstress.com/
Friday, September 7, 2012
Where the Oldest Die Now
Below you will find a link to the New York Times blog, The New Old
Age. In a recent article columnist Paula Span writes about the increase
of elderly people being able to die in their own homes. In 1989, only
12% of seniors were able to pass away in the comfort and familiarity of
their own homes. By 2007, that number has risen to 19%. This is still a
disappointing statistic given that the vast majority of seniors want to
live out the rest of their days in their own homes. However, the fact
that more are able to do that now than before should be encouraging to
seniors and to all of us working to make their final chapter exactly
what they want it to be.
http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/04/18/where-the-oldest-die-now/
http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/04/18/where-the-oldest-die-now/
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
What is Home Instead?
It is the all-important question. It is the one thing that every
small business owner should be ready and able to articulate within 30
seconds. It is the query you hope someone will ask. Yet after as many
years as I have run Home Instead I still find myself struggling to
answer this very basic question.
It isn't that I don't know. It isn't that I struggle finding the words to describe what we do. It is that our mission is so much broader than what we functionally accomplish in our day to day work. Functionally, Home Instead Senior Care provides non-medical assistance to seniors throughout Orange and NE Chatham county. We provide services such as companionship, meal preparation, medication reminders, incidental transportation, light housekeeping, Alzheimer's and personal care. But we provide much more than that.
Home Instead is a state of mind. It is a choice. It is a commitment by seniors and their families to live life on their own terms. It is the stubborn refusal to be a spectator during what should be an amazing chapter of life. Many times there is a physical expression of living Home Instead. 'I am Home Instead of ______.' However, many of our clients have transitioned to communities and care facilities that have now become home. Even in these environments, it is still possible to live 'Home Instead.'
Beyond the clients are their families. This is a place where living 'Home Instead' really sets itself apart from living any other way. The daughter waking up after her first full night of sleep in three months is living 'Home Instead.' The father now able to leave his mother's side long enough to attend his daughter's volleyball tournament is living 'Home Instead.' The family that smiles at a parent's memorial service, knowing that they did all that they could do to make those last years wonderful knows better than anyone what living 'Home Instead' is all about.
To the gentleman who stopped me at Walgreen's this weekend, I apologize if I seemed at a loss for words when you asked me what Home Instead does. We give seniors and their families a choice between just living and living 'Home Instead.'
It isn't that I don't know. It isn't that I struggle finding the words to describe what we do. It is that our mission is so much broader than what we functionally accomplish in our day to day work. Functionally, Home Instead Senior Care provides non-medical assistance to seniors throughout Orange and NE Chatham county. We provide services such as companionship, meal preparation, medication reminders, incidental transportation, light housekeeping, Alzheimer's and personal care. But we provide much more than that.
Home Instead is a state of mind. It is a choice. It is a commitment by seniors and their families to live life on their own terms. It is the stubborn refusal to be a spectator during what should be an amazing chapter of life. Many times there is a physical expression of living Home Instead. 'I am Home Instead of ______.' However, many of our clients have transitioned to communities and care facilities that have now become home. Even in these environments, it is still possible to live 'Home Instead.'
Beyond the clients are their families. This is a place where living 'Home Instead' really sets itself apart from living any other way. The daughter waking up after her first full night of sleep in three months is living 'Home Instead.' The father now able to leave his mother's side long enough to attend his daughter's volleyball tournament is living 'Home Instead.' The family that smiles at a parent's memorial service, knowing that they did all that they could do to make those last years wonderful knows better than anyone what living 'Home Instead' is all about.
To the gentleman who stopped me at Walgreen's this weekend, I apologize if I seemed at a loss for words when you asked me what Home Instead does. We give seniors and their families a choice between just living and living 'Home Instead.'
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