Thursday, July 10, 2014

Warning: Dangerous Children



As a parent of many sons (6 as of the writing of this blog), my life is wild adventureland of dirt and noise. The idea of a quiet home is a fantasy construct that my wife and I harbor no hope of ever enjoying. And we love it.

Having once been a rambunctious boy, I am amazed to have survived my own childhood. The very act of being a child: to challenge, to push to the limits, to see how far you can go until something (or someone) pushes back seems to bring with it the threat of almost certain death. My summer days were spent racing a red metal wagon with a box duck-taped to the top down the steepest street in the neighborhood. Eventually, a car, a speedbump, or a pothole would cause the wagon to swerve, tip over, and disintegrate on impact. The rider would then extricate himself from the wreckage, wipe the blood off of his appendages and along with his posse begin the process of looking for a new box to strap to the top of his wagon of doom in preparation of making another run. If no further boxes could be found, we would head off into the woods on our bikes in search of snakes and drainage creeks with enough water in them for a swim. It is amazing that any of us survived.

To parents of this age, the situation I just described is a nightmare of biblical proportions; children, unsupervised, careening down streets, below the eye level of any car, on wagons not constructed out of high impact-resistant plastic resin, with no visibility, risking the almost certain loss of at least a finger with every crash in what is essentially a coffin of recyclables and duck tape. Oh the humanity. Oh the sweet sweet humanity. When your pulse returns to normal and you are no longer at risk of having a stroke, I will tell you what we did during Texas Hill Country thunderstorms. Awesomeness.

We are children of a bygone era; relics of a better time.

Today's children would never be permitted to flirt with the type of disaster we courted on a daily basis. Today's child is well supervised and kept at a distance from anything that could potentially harm it. As for endangered species, we have created faux worlds in which our children may exist. These environments and play areas perfectly mirror the real things only without any of the dangerous aspects. Predictably, when an endangered species is released into the wild after being raised in captivity it is savagely devoured by the animals who have grown up in the actual jungle. Increasingly, our society is finding itself facing similar challenges. Our perfectly sheltered and safe children are released into the wilderness of the real world neutered of every instinct and ability which would have helped them survive.

In her upcoming film "The Land," director Erin Davis documents a Welsh play space which challenges the traditional American instinct to shelter and protect our young. "The Land" offers children a chance to experience the world around them; a world filled with wonderfully dangerous opportunities. Open fires, hammers, saws, old tires, mud, ropes, rusty metal shipping containers, and trees which beg for a climber all populate the space aptly described as an adventure playground. Missing from the canvas are instructions and rules, protective rubber playmatting, overzealous nannies and anything else which would prevent young humans from creating, appreciating, and learning about the themselves and the world by which they are surrounded.



Even as I type these words, there wells up within me an instinct to reject notions like this. As a parent, I must protect my sons from dangers like these. The poisonous culture shift has infected even a staunch independent like myself. What if they are hurt? What if they cut off a finger? What if they slip and fall and experience pain? As of these fears are legitimate possibilities. These things might actually happen. They are worthy of consideration.

But consider also those things which are not mere possibilities but rather the probable outcome of raising a child in the manner our society has now deemed most advisable. What happens to them when they grow up unable to contend with the challenges the real world throws at them? What happens when noone is around to hand them a participation trophy for the job they didn't get? How will their fragile egos cope? What happens when they confront actual violence which threatens more than just their avatar on some video game? Who will the men of the next generation turn to to protect their families? What happens when they graduate with their advanced degrees and certifications, perfectly programmed to obediently follow the rules yet completely unable to compose an original and creative thought? Who will find a cure for Cancer? Alzheimer's? Write the next great symphony?

What will the world look like if we continue to keep our children from becoming the wonderfully dangerous individuals they are hardwired to be?

Watch the trailer for the upcoming film "The Land" below.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Helpful or Intrusive? Keeping An Eye On Your Aging Parent


Over the last several years, the increase in the aging population has brought about the invention of a slew of gadgets and gizmos which purportedly help seniors live independently. While many of these devices have great intentions, they walk a fine line between 'my daughter likes to keep in touch' and 'my daughter is trying to run my life.'

One of the more recent innovations to surface is something called "Lively." In short, Lively is a series of sensors placed discreetly around an aging parent's home to accumulate data. The sensors then use that data to establish patterns of behavior and alert authorized family members whenever a significant deviation from the norm takes place. In their online video, the makers of Lively are very quick to point out that this is "not like big brother monitoring with anything like video cameras pointed at you." In actuality, that is exactly what it is like- minus the video cameras.

So where should the line be drawn?

Most of the independent seniors that we work would emphatically reject having sensors placed throughout their lives so that an adult child could monitor them. Still others may be more amenable to the idea if for no other reason than to pacify a daughter who is prone to worry.

Whether a family places a low-tech nanny cam or a state-of-the-art sensor network in their aging parent's home, they are subtly inserting themselves into a senior's life. Seems like a I remember hearing a phrase about putting lipstick on a pig.

While most seniors fiercely reject the notion of needing any help even up to the point when the need for help is undeniable, aging in place is not something that can be done alone. In my experience through Home Instead Senior Care, living independently is not as much a matter of allowing other people access to your habits and routines as it is deciding for yourself what those habits and routines will be.

Have a conversation with the aging parent in your life. Allow them the opportunity to tell you what they want the next 10-15-20-25 years to look like and then work together to create that reality. Lively provides a fun new tool to help families to that end. But without an open dialogue, it will be received as just another example of you meddling in your dad's affairs.

For great information about how to have these initial conversations visit www.4070talk.com.


Watch the promo video below for more information about Lively.