Let's Talk About Sex...in Nursing Homes.

Sexuality is an exciting topic at any age. Thanks in no small part to the daily dose of sexuality we ingest through television and media, the drugs constantly offering to help us have better sex, and the societal mentality that defines people according to who they have sex with, we think about sex a lot. One place, however, you might not spend a great deal of time thinking about sex in is a nursing home. Times they are a-changing.

Seniors today are far more active than they have ever been before. They are living longer, fuller lives. While many of the senses may dull or fail with old age, the sense of touch remains intact. Seniors have desires and seniors are having sex.

A conversation with any worker in an assisted living community will confirm this fact if you have any doubt. When the families are through visiting, the room swaps begin. This has brought about some difficult ethical questions to answer for administrators in facilities and communities. Do they have the legal power to stop consensual sex between adults? At what point is sex no longer consensual with regards to dementia?

There are examples on both sides of the debate. On the more conservative side is an example out of Iowa where to two seniors with dementia were caught having sex on Christmas day. Administrators and nurses were fired and lambasted as public examples of negligence. Charges were filed by the family against the facility for failing to prevent the rape of one resident by another. Eventually, both of the residents in question passed away as did the lawsuit. The administrators never worked in senior care again; the scarlet letter of a new era. In the Bronx, there is a nursing home with an entirely different take on the issue which is making headlines. At this home, the administrator brags that his staff "actively encourages and supports sex and intimacy among its residents. Our position is very strongly that consenting adults who have capacity, this is a civil right of theirs. They do not give up a civil right simply because they are in need of nursing care in a facility. And that our obligation as a nursing facility is to encourage their civil rights, as we would do with respect to voting."

No matter where you fall on this issue, the reality is that seniors are having sex more than probably ever before. With the rapidly increasing numbers of this demographic and the rise of seniors who are struggling with dementia, this is a conversation that needs to be had.