Friday, December 6, 2013

Forgiveness. Tis the Season.

http://www.lambtonshield.com/opinion-lets-let-the-system-not-social-media-complete-its-work/

I am frequently staggered by some of the situations in which we find ourselves at Home Instead Senior Care. While some seniors are blessed with families who love and support them throughout their aging journey others are largely left to fend for themselves. Family dynamics are unquestionably complicated and I have learned to attempt to refrain from passing judgment on what I see. While I  attempt to maintain an impartial perspective, human nature dictates that I cannot remain entirely neutral. How can a sister continue to support her brother both financially and emotionally after years of verbal abuse at every turn? How can a daughter refuse to visit or even speak to her ailing mother only a short drive down the road? How can a son deny his mother the care she requires in an attempt to preserve an inheritance for himself? These are the situations in which we find ourselves at Home Instead Senior Care and they never get any easier. In fact, much of what we see is actually getting worse.

Throughout the last century, the family unit has taken a tremendous blow. While there are a multitude of legitimate accusations regarding the cause of this deterioration, the reality of its fracturing is unavoidable. Many parents don't have a relationship with their children at all. In my opinion, an increasing number of parents are making "the friend mistake"; trading in the ability to speak truth, wisdom and discipline into their child's life so that they can be best friends. Families are indeed struggling. The evidence of this fact is apparent when working with the elderly.

My father has often joked about the baby boomers' dedication to career and advancement at the expense of all else. "As soon as they were big enough, we stuffed our kids into facilities so that we were free again to climb the corporate ladder. Now we're old. What makes us think that our children won't do to us exactly what we did to them?" Turnabout, I suppose, is fair play. But as the famous maxim quips: An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

Yesterday, Nelson Mandela passed away at the age of 95. While it would be intellectually dishonest of me to say that I applauded all of the things for which he stood,  the legacy for which he seems to be most remembered is one of forgiveness. After more than two decades of political imprisonment, he was able to rise above the vengeful politics which would have been completely understandable to all. Instead, he resolved to change the system. He knew that if the nation of South Africa were ever to change, he would have to be the first in line.

Few of the families in crisis with whom I speak are happy about their state of affairs. Most express strong sentiments of regret and a desire that "maybe one day things will be different." But nothing ever changes. One year turns to another and opportunities are forever lost. A new sort of cold war wages as everyone waits for someone else to make the first move. In the meantime, everyone freezes.

Christmas is at its core the celebration of the birth of Jesus of Nazareth. As a Christian, I believe that Jesus was who he claimed to be; the son of God and Savior of the world. Who you believe him to be is a matter of utmost importance and yet has little bearing on his legacy of forgiveness. Put to death by the most cruel means imaginable for crimes he did not commit, Jesus of Nazareth was the poster child for the wrongfully accused. Yet in the darkest hour of his execution, after being savagely beaten within an inch of his life, stripped naked and nailed onto a splintered cross, he forgave. He begged the God of heaven to forgive those responsible. He made the first move.

We celebrate the occasion of his birth this month. We celebrate the way he gave himself for us as the ultimate gift by exchanging presents with each other. We should further celebrate by honoring his legacy of forgiveness in the most dyer and seemingly hopeless of circumstances. Take the first step toward reconciliation this year knowing that Christmas is a season for the miraculous. Chances are that the long lost person in your life is just waiting on you to make the first move. Merry Christmas!


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