Love Lost or Love Completed?

Tennyson once quipped that "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Isn't that sweet. Meh.

Lost love is never easy to cope with and trite, poetic words do little to console the lonely on Valentine's Day.

When most of us think about love lost we think of tragic circumstances or events which separate soulmates. We hope that one day the stars will align, the gods will shine on us, fate will lend an ear, and we will be reunited 'cause it feels so good.

Admittedly, love cut short is tragic. But what about love that runs it's course?

For a senior who has spent their entire life loving and serving one person, is the end of that relationship any less tragic? 

As is so often the case, my mind is drawn to an obscure scene from a not-at-all classic movie, Deep Impact. At one point in the movie, the astronauts who are about to sacrifice themselves in order to save the world are saying good bye to their loved ones down below. The elder astronaut, Spurgeon Tanner, is a widower and has no one to whom to issue his farewell.  Regarding his deceased wife, he opines to a fellow astronaut : "You're a married man; you know what it's like. Every marriage has it's[sic] good years and bad years. We ended on a really great year."

Commander Tanner expresses an emotion that I believe many seniors feel when they remember their lost love: gratitude. Gratitude for the years of laughter. Gratitude for the years that they stood together through impossible times. Gratitude for joy. Gratitude for the heartbreak made a little less painful by the person by their side. 'Tis better methinks.

Sadly, many seniors are denied the privilege of reflection by the people closest to them. We mistakenly assume that the remorse we feel about lost love is common to them. We project our own feelings that "It would be too painful for her to discuss" or that "Talking about Mom is just too hard and would only upset him." We are wrong to make those assumptions. The sting of loss cannot possibly overtake the sea of treasured moments a senior and their spouse spent a lifetime accumulating. In avoiding those often tender topics, we deny the seniors in our lives the simple joy of reminiscing.

Reject the temptation to think of 'love lost' when considering the seniors in your life this Valentine's Day. It is better to think of theirs as 'love completed.' Chances are the senior in your life has an amazing love story that they would love to tell. Giving them that opportunity could be the greatest gift you could give them today and every day moving forward.